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Sweet Longing
by Irina Guschina (Age: 53)
copyright 07-10-2005


Age Rating: 16 to 127

 
Not doves coo gently,
Not angels sing a sweet song,
Your voice says “Good night”.

Thank you for a long longing
For a precious “Good morning!”


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07-13-2005 Deone Wiley    

I realize that you are writing from another language. I believe that in your translation you are using Russian (?) linguistics. I do not believe you mean "Not doves" but "no doves" etc. Changing the not to no says what I think you are trying to convey. When I do this is the reading, the poem has strength. I have read several of your poems and I like what I read.
07-13-2005 Roger Crique    

Sorry, I forgot to give you your points.
07-13-2005 Roger Crique    

Irina, I must have read this piece more than 10 times and I have to tell you that there is something peculiar about the sentence structure of this poem. The pictures you are painting are difficult for me to visualize. It is difficult for me to think that a dove does not coo gently or that an angel does not sing sweetly. Then you have good night and good morning which suggests progression, but I'm stuck in the middle of the poem. You also use the words, long and longly in the same sentence and this just doesn't go together as nicely as it should. The flow of the poem is stuck in low gear. I'm still trying to figure out why this is not moving the way it should. Maybe I'm wrong, I don't know....
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Comments: 3

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