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When I was a little kid people has always told me about Heart attacks and how they die from them. And now that I'm grown I think that this is how that we feel and live from them. This poem is like telling what is going on with your life is like sitting on the edge of your bed waiting to die my family always have died from a heart attacks or a long life diesase. It have always happened you will feel it happen to you one day This is a great poem it's so real and so life touching.
I have been there and it's a place I never want to be again! My experience was triggered by using a breathing medication when I shouldn't have. Resulted in the heart trying to do my lungs' job. The point is that this write offers a very vivid, and totally real image of what can happen during and after a heart attack; which can strike any age. Without meaning any undue criticism, because it is an excellent write, it is so vivid and realistic that I would not have put it in your choice of age category. I was startled by your use of the word "damn," also. It may be a nit-picking thing, but I haven't read any works here that use any kind of vulgarity or swear word. I think your write would be just as effective without it. Even though I also think we can all understand that sometimes the intensity of an experience requires strong wording. For an older audience, it would be okay.
The rhyme scheme added to the piece, as did the short lines, as did the accuracy of spelling and grammar. It is an excellent write!
Sounds pretty intense. I myself have obviously never had a heart attack and from the way your words where so discriptive I dont think I'd want one. I don't know if the age rating is exactly what it should be due to the word damn. Also you did a really good job on the rhyming.
That is hoew my dad died from a heart attack. This write is so true how things can happen. It almost sounds as if you have felt it yourself. And as you say if you make it threw that the fight has just begun.
Well-written poem, but the theme doesn't sound like one coming from a retired person.
It's a very vivid description. I can almost feel that it's me---God forbid. But you're true to yourself. That's life! Anything can happen at any time regardless of whether you're good or evil, etc.
I know I have this to look forward too! Overweight and don't eat the best things. I need to start changing before its too late! Good write and so true! Anthony
This seems like the prelude to an entire story of life...something that many thing will never happen to them, but then it does. I love the way you write Brian, and I could see this happening in my mind, and feel the nervous fear it expressed.
Welcome !
