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Welcome once again to the 'Crazy World Of Writers' a place where you can relax, forget about the serious things in life and let your hair down, (If you have any). You must remember that not all that is written in this column is the truth, or is it?
Some people may think that this little story is unapropiate due to the recent events in America, I did think the same thing at first but realized that the terrorists would be getting their own way if we stopped doing things that we like because of them.
Perhaps if anyone is offended they can go to my work page and take a read of, (Hey! Terrorist! Look At Me)
This is my tribute to the unfortunate victims of the terrible act of violence that was caused by the terrorists.
We the people of the world should never stop doing anything we do because of terrorists, we must stand together and show that they will never beat us, they will never break our spirit.
My heart and thoughts are still with them.
A Crazy Poet Takes To The Skies
Flying! We all know that the invention of the airplane has been one of the greatest achievements of all times. Flying has enabled us to visit lands that were once out of reach. The whole concept of flying is just amazing, it is also scary. In my mind, if something is heavier and much bigger than my house then I do not think it should be up in the sky. Would holiday makers be so eager to fly to their destination if, when they arrived at the airport they were informed that they would be flying on a new type of aircraft that resembled a shopping mall? I do not think that they would.
I was standing at the counter trying to look relaxed as I did not want the other people knowing that I was afraid of flying.
"Yes Sir, what can I do for you?" said the woman at the ticket sales desk.
I said "I would like a ticket to Spain please."
She said "Would that be a one way ticket Sir?"
Now bearing in mind that I am afraid of flying I do not think that that was the right thing to say to me.
I said "Are you trying to tell me something? Is this a subtle hint that a crash is on the cards? Do you think that I may not be alive long enough to return?"
"Oh! No Sir" Said the woman, "Some people do buy a one way ticket as they are going to stay for a very long time or they might be going there to live."
I apologized for my outburst of questions and said, "A return ticket please" hoping that I would get the chance to use the return half of the ticket.
Standing on the stairs outside the plane I was counting the people ahead of me, trying to see how long I had to change me mind.
It was now my turn, the stewardess that was greeting the passengers said "Welcome to flight 276 Sir I hope that you enjoy your journey."
I said "Why is that then? Didn't anyone enjoy the last one?"
"Very funny Sir" said the stewardess "No one has ever complained to us about any problems with the service."
I said "Is that because they did not live to tell the tale?"
The stewardess just gave me a not too pleased look and I heard her telling her colleague that she thought I was going to be a bit of a problem as she thought that I was afraid of flying.
Me! Afraid of flying? Never! I may be afraid of plummeting forty thousand feet to the ground but I am not afraid if all is well.
As I sat down in my economy seat the first thing I did was secure my seatbelt, not that it would protect me in the event of an accident; peace of mind I suppose.
Once airborne my thoughts were of parachutes, lovely life saving parachutes.
I remembered reading someplace that if someone fell into water and could not swim, if they were quick enough they could use their shirt to trap air so that they could breathe for a few minuets which hopefully would be long enough for someone to help them.
I wondered if that applied to flying as well.
It would have to be a big shirt though to carry my weight.
I looked around at the people in the airplane and my eyes fell upon a fairly large man.
I knew that if needed, he would be an ideal candidate, a shirt that size would surely be as good as a parachute.
How do I get near him? In the event of an accident how would I relieve him of his shirt?
I walked up the aisle and sat next to him, he looked at me and said "I am sorry this seat is taken."
I was about to say (Yeah with your fat arse) but held myself back from letting the words come out and said instead "Oh sorry I did not realize, what if the person sitting here would like to change seats with me?"
He said "Listen pal, this seat is not for you OK; leave me alone."
I said to him "What if I were to give you some money for it?"
"What is it with you?" Said the large man "If you do not leave me alone I will get the stewardess to see you."
I said "Hey! Take it easy man, I thought that if the plane went down we could help each other, be sort of buddies."
He said "I do not know you and certainly do not want to be buddies with you. OK!"
I sighed and said "That is a nice shirt you are wearing my friend, how much do you want for it?"
"STEWARDESS! STEWARDESS!" Called the man.
When the stewardess listened to the large mans moans regarding me I was told that if I did not stay in my seat for the rest of the journey, then I would be in big trouble when we landed.
I sat in my seat knowing inside that when we landed we would all be in big trouble.
Luckily, my fears were not correct as we landed safely, as I left the airplane I remembered to trip up the large man as he went down the stairs.
That will teach him to deny someone the right to live.
John Mcleod
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