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~*DARIEN'S DIARY: DAYS IN THE LIFE OF AN IDIOT*~
Entry #8
by Jenna T. (Age: 15)
copyright 07-26-2005


Age Rating: 10 to 127

 
July 26, 2005

Cabbage---

Oh My Goodliness! You won't believe what happened to me today...well, if you were alive and could believe things, you would not believe it! Guess what happened?! Three cabbages my endless supply of cabbage heads (for attacks when I am fighting as Tuxedo Mask) started talking to me!!!

It all started when I was cleaning my room...I had not cleened it in a while and it needed to be dusted. So as I was dusting, my closet opened by itself. That is where I keep my cabbage, by the way. Anyway, I studdied it closely and three cabbage heads rolled out, shutting the door behind them. I gasped.
"Who are you?" I asked.
"We are the cabbage people, Darien, and we have come to destroy you." they all said.
"How do you know my name?"
"Well, duh..." said one of the heads, "Do you think we wouldn't find out the name of the person who is throwing our people around as weapons?"
I was confuzzled. "Who throws you around as weapons? That's so mean! I would be happy to help you. What is the person's name?"
One of the cabbage heads rolled its eyes. "Wow, you really are an idiot, aren't you Mr. Shields?"
I scratched my head. "I don't remember being called an idiot before...I think I'm a human, as far as I know. What type of species is an idiot?" I said to them.
All three cabbage heads burst out laughing. "We'd love to have you around just for kicks, but I'm afraid we'll have to kill you."
I gasped again. "What for?"
"For eliminating our kind by throwing it at evil enemies!" one of them snap-crackle-popped.
"Oh dear!" I had no idea what they were talking about.
"You don't get it, do you?" asked the cabbage all together.
"Well, I do not understand why you all can move around without arms or legs", I said.
Then one of the cabbage heads turned red and its eyes became firey. "YOU ARE A COMPLETE AND UTTER IDIOT!!!!!" it screeched.
"No I'm not, I'm human!" I protested.
"Calm down, Casper...Let's not even bother killing him...what good would it do?"
The one who seemed to be Casper turned back to his greenish color. "Fine", he said. He looked at me. "Just don't be surprised if your whole cabbage supply is gone within the next hour."
I couldn't understand his language; it was way too sophisticashizzled, so I just said, "Okay".
"WE SHALL ESCAPE!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA" they all yelled and went back into the closet.

It was quite a strange moment. I wonder who was using them as weapons? I hope they catch him. But I must tell my psychiatrist about this! My appointment is in an hour

//LATTER

My psychiatrist said that the cabbage people are just people I made up that represented real people in my life, people I hate. I don't know what in Princess Serenity's name he was talking about when he said that. Then he gave me some little candies in a tube that I must eat twice a day with a glass of water. I wonder why I can't chew these candies? I have always wondered that.

My cabbages are gone. I wonder why? I had such a huge supply...and the thing is, the cabbages aren't on sale at the market this week. That really crushes me.

Love,
Darien




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04-06-2007 Megan C.    

Confuzzled is my word!


03-23-2006 Leigh G.    

Casper the Ciller Cabbage! Killer spelled "ciller" on purpose. :p lol, this was as hilarious as ever! lol, talking cabbages, huh? Ahem, talking evil cabbages. Where do you get these ideas, anyway? I'm sure Kyusu-chan (Jordan Screws) would love to help you with "Inspired Lunacy" as he puts it. Is that what's at work here? :P Keep up the hilarious work!

May the divine darkness be with you,
Leigh of the Commenting Crusaders

P.S. Are these pills sedatives?


07-29-2005 Sam Hackel-Butt    

Casper the Super Caggabe! heh, Darien was given Happy Pills! or... err... Calm Down Pills, lol! Any more happy and he'll be peeing on teh carpet...


07-27-2005 Andrew Findlay    

Can it be? Casper Cabbage! Cool! This one is the best yet. You're really getting good at these darien diary entries. The whole argument he had with the cabbage was hilarious and I loved the part at the end where he worries that cabbage is no longer on sale at the mall. (Remember the original story where darien mentions to Serena that cabbage is on sale at the mall in her dream?) More cause and effect. I wonder how different everything would have been if in that original story he had said that turnips were on sale at the mall instead?. I like the way you intentionally make mistakes like spelling in this story, because it really brings darien's character to life and makes the reader feel as if they are really reading one of his journal entries.Comedy writing is my favorite! Keep up the great work!


07-26-2005 Debra Rose    

hmm...LMAO! THE TALKING CABBAGES!

Wow Jenna...if I get a chance to (and more drawing paper) I think I want to draw a scene of Darien talking to cabbage. LOL

I'm so happy you updated!!!


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