Just Like Clockwork
by
Mike Macdonald
(Age: 26)
copyright 08-12-2005
Age Rating: 13 to 127
Dip, and step right,
give a graceful twirl and then
Step left, and step right,
and then twirl around again
Dip, and step right,
give a graceful twirl and then
Step left, and step right,
and then twirl around again
While the world is ever-changing every minute of the day,
There’s one place just like clockwork that I am doomed to stay
I’ve danced a thousand of these dances to a heartless melody
As gears and springs and cogwheels turn to stay in step with me
Step left and step right, give a graceful twirl and then
Hide me from all seeing eyes once the lid is down again
How I long for the freedom to see the wonders of the world
How I laugh out loud every single time I’m told
That every single flaw I have can always be controlled
I know that my heart gives me the right to live
And that I belong outside this jeweled case
My legs, although they spin and kick and bend,
Are unmoving and confine me to my base
This unforgiving prison has left not a thing to chance,
I’m frozen here, no matter what I try
And so I shall continue with my dance
As I gaze up through the frozen, crystal sky
Of potential memories that simply flutter by,
Where I can no more reach them
than they can hear me cry
Dip, and step right,
give a graceful twirl and then
Step left, and step right,
and then twirl around again
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A true voice in verse, well formed, flow draws and holds, mind is a trap creating place and time, few ever find and relate to the tic of age
washing past the face of inevitable, a picture of life for some, well done.. Walt
Life can be a box, created by other people or by our own minds, and I think that's fine. However, when the box is transparent, and the person trapped inside can see everything that they're missing... that's just torture.
I love the way you wrote this poem, in such a carefree way but still getting the deeper point across. tick tick tick tick tick tick tick dance the words. I loved the poem!
I appreciated this poem on several levels. The mechanics of the poem are good and I like the way you lightened the rhythmic flow of the verses in the main body. It gives the dancer's soliloquy a more heart-rending appeal as the words flow in graceful, natural manner, rather like a real dancer's movements. It contrasts nicely with the staccato clockwork meter and rhythm of the introductory and ending verses. The abundance of "ands" is necessary here, I think, as they are the words that make those verses so strongly and rigidly metric thus like a clockwork....I identified quite easily with the little dancer as there was a time when I lived my life, or tried to, in the deepest of ruts, keeping safe in my own little box and dancing my own little monotonous dance. Fortunately I could and did, unlike your little dancer, finally break free.
You know, I swear that I commented on this piece.
-blinks- But apparently not... So now I shall!! I really love this poem, the title captured me right away, not to sure why, but I am glad it did. I agree with Rich when he says it is a bit 'and' dominated, but I still love this.
Amazing imagry with this one, great job!
-hands him chocolate cake and a lawnmower-
Cheers!
Mike, your poem is a reflection of so many people who feel or have felt just like the dancer in the jewelry case or music box, confined within the prison they make in their own minds. Fantastic write.
Nancy
Mike, I like your intriguing questions and your analogies, very expressive, but hinting at something that utterly resonates with me. I wonder how astronauts feel, once they leave the confines of Earth! They are blessed, for they get to do something that most of us will never, ever get to do, to leave Earth and its gravity behind. I get the sense that your music box can be compared to the timeless, unified chaos of our Solar System. There is a watchmaker out there, you know! One who set up all the gears, parameters and intervals of time, ultimately tuning it, for our sake. This is my interpretation of it and If I'm wrong, I'm glad I am! Great imagery, fluidity, structure and concept, Mike! I truly enjoy your work!
Welcome !
