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Rahmi Safitri
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Serenade Of The Rain
by Stephen Washam
copyright 08-16-2005


Age Rating: 10 to 127

 
I love the gentle rains of spring
That fall so softly as they sing
A melody of sweet romance
That calls to me “Come out and dance”

So I will join the raindrops there
As they pirouette upon the air
Back and forth with them I’ll sway
As they dance an aerial ballet

The rain will keep a rhythmic beat
Upon the pavement soft and sweet
We’ll dance a step at nature’s ball
While the crystal waters softly fall

Then as the skies begin to clear
And the final dance is drawing near
I see the rainbow that’s been made
By the falling raindrops serenade

But I will hear again their call
When gentle rains begin to fall
‘Til then within my heart remains
The joy of dancing with the rains




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08-17-2005 David Pekrul    

Very nice, Stephen. Very soft, easy flowing and poetic. But then again, I find all your poetry very poetic. I do agree with Roger, that it would sound better with "Rain" instead of "Rains". But hey, you write it the way you want. It is still great.

David Pekrul
08-16-2005 Roger Crique    

Hi, Stephen, I think this poem is very melodic and it really flows, like Brian said, "like water," but I would not use, "So," in your second stanza. Sometimes, so, but, and "and" get in the way of the fluidity of a poem. In your first stanza, I would simple say, "A melody of sweet romance that calls me to come out and dance." I would not use quotation marks, it detracts from the statement. And lastly, I would try to use, "rain," as opposed to, "rains."
Visitor Reads: 245
Total Reads: 271
Comments: 2

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