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Picture Credits:
FARMERS AND SCIENTISTS DEBATE DEMISE OF ONE TON TOMATO
c/ Nan Jacobs 2001
The recently discovered, petrified remains of what farmers and scientists alike are calling the "mother of all tomatoes" near Brainerd, Minnesota have sparked acid debate between the two groups. This wonder is believed to have grown to a size of one ton (to put into perspective: envision two thousand pounds at $1.99 per pound on the grocery bill). The reasons for the swift appearance in and disappearance from the evolutionary garden are unclear, and are at the heart of the hothouse controversy.
Farmers maintain the giant apple of the earth was the fruit of Paul Bunyan's garden. "Oh, ja, you know, his ox Babe, dat was a big ox, you know. Lotsa fertilizer," said Gunnar Bjorneson on behalf of Grange #404.
Scientists insist that this whopper was merely an out-take on the road to a Better Big Boy, its "extinction" the result of a healthy dose of common sense. "It would get squashed in your grocery cart," said Dr. Jens Holmgren, head of "ROFL", Researchers Of Fragmented Logic. "Hell, it would squash your grocery cart! And who in their right mind would want a BLT with a slice of tomato the size of Lake Superior?"
Paul Bunyan, of course, counter the grange members.
Readers may offer their opinions by going on line to www.guantanamerguajiraguantanamera.veg or dialing 1-TON-TOMAHTO and following the prompts.
The future of BLT's is in your hands.
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MONDEGREEN:
NOUN: A series of words that result from the mishearing or misinterpretation of a statement or song lyric. For example, I led the pigeons to the flag for I pledge allegiance to the flag.
ETYMOLOGY: After (Lady) Mondegreen, a misinterpretation of the line (hae laid) him on the green, from the song “The Bonny Earl of Murray”.
From: The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language: Fourth Edition. 2000.
Nan's Mondegreen sprouted from José Martí's "Guantanamera (Guajira Guantanamera)" or... "One Ton Tomato (I need a one ton tomato)"
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