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All I Want to See is You

by Jane Lee (Age: 21)
copyright 08-20-2005


Age Rating: 10 +

I don't want to cry again.
But my never ending tears,
Come and come again.

I want to see you again.
To see your pure smile,
To hear your pure laugh,.

Looking to the future,
I see nothing.

I try,
And try again.

Now this is the end.
Until now, I really tried hard.
I truly believed that I could meet you again.
And I tried hard.
But now,
I don't need to do that.

Just like this, I can just sleep here.
Then with no mistake,
When I open my eyes,
You'll be next to me.
Now no one can take us apart.
Come and take me.
Because here I am.
I'm here just like this.
Please come next to me.
Please...
Come quickly.

Please come and help me.
No one gave me that chance.
That little chance,
That could change everything.
That little chance...
No one but you.

My dreams,
They aren't dreams.
I can't see anything,
Nothing without you.

I live to fail.
To fail and fail again.

No one shows me the light.
That bright light of love.
Shining brightly,
Brighter and hotter than the sun.

I can't smile anymore.
My closed eyes will stay closed forever.

My heart,
My spirit,
They'll go up to the sky,
The heavens...

That bright place,
Full of love,
Full of everything.

I wouldn't fail there.
I would meet you again,
Again and always.

I miss you.
I want to see you.

Why did you leave me?
Why did you leave me alone?
You left me and make me cry.

I cry harder than a waterfall.
I cried a river for you.
Just for you.

These never ending tears,
They won't stop.
I can't stop.

I want to see you again.
Your pure smile,
your pure laugh.

I want to.
I want to!
I really want to...

My dreams
They aren't dreams

All I want is to see you.
Just you.






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        04-30-2007     Leigh Gilholm Fisher        

Quite like a song! There were a few lines where things got repetitive, but nothing too bad. You do have one blunt mistake I found though, at the end of the second paragraph. You have a comma followed by a period. My only other grammatical pick is capitalization. I enjoyed this piece though, despite the errors and a little too much repetition. I'm fickle, no? :D Anyway, good topic and choice of words! Hmmm, I wanted to finish reading your poems in this sitting but I'll have to wait until to---oh, blast! I didn't want to sign on at night again until Wednesday...well, I'll try to get on tonight to read more! Good work, keep writing!



Leigh of the Commenting Community

        12-06-2005     Angela Toshner        

truly this is the onyl poem that has ever made me cry. BUt it was good non the less. Great job
angela

        09-11-2005     Delaney Lindley        

Sweet. I've felt like that many times. Sometimes after a person leaves, all you are left with is memories. And sometimes, you wonder if you would feel better if you never met them. Then some cases, you forget them. And that just leaves an empty space and you can never fill it. good write.

        09-03-2005     Regina Pate        

very good just one little thing the I'm i think would sound better if you said i am just a suggestion though

        08-28-2005     Jenna Tramonti        

You write very powerful things for an 11 year old! That's great! This was very pretty. Good work!

        08-24-2005     Roger Crique        

Hi, Jane, you're eleven, huh? Wow, so much pain and emotions, flowing like a waterfall! You're a very good writer, but like Delaney said, quotations marks are used when someone is speaking, other than yourself. Other than that, this is a very nice poem.

        08-24-2005     Jane Lee        

AKKKK!!!!!! no matter how many times i try sp doesn't change into sleep!!!

        08-23-2005     Delaney Lindley        

there were a few mistakes such as andrew pointed out, but I didn't understand why you put quotation marks at the beginning of practically every stanza you wrote. But other than grammar, this is extremely good for one as young as you are. Truely amazing. I can see great things are going to come from you.

        08-21-2005     Andrew Findlay        

'Just like this, I can just sp here'-I'm not sure what you meant in this line.

I thought this was a pretty good poem filled with honest emotions. I'm not an expert on peotic structure, but the way you wrote it seemed to go with the words you used. This poem kind of made me feel sad...



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