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great friends can become great lovers, and the longer they are friends first, the greater the friendship the greater the love, I will blossom all on its own or it won't try not to worry so much and one day you will see exactly what I mean. Thank you great write
There is a well thought out theme in this piece, but it needs re-writing to give it the needed poetic language and syntax. Your use of hid is incorrect. The past participle of hid is hidden; something is hidden, not hid.
Jennifer,
Nice sentiment; mechanically it needs some work. Poetry is more than the expression of feelings and emotions, it has structure; usually in the form of rhyme, rhythm, and meter.
When you read your poem out loud ask is there:
a. A naturally flowing rhythm.
b. Excellent internal/external rhyme, near-rhyme, sight or sound rhyme (but not necessarily a perfect rhyme scheme).
c. Ordinary language used in an extraordinary way.
d. Strikingly artistic imagery, vivid word-pictures, similes and metaphors.
There is, of course, so much more. But you may want to begin here as you rewrite your poem.
Good Luck.
I can relate to this as well. As a mater of fact there is a poem on my page about a good friendship that was expanded on, but cooled for the sake of the friendship. Its called,"Just Friends " This story sounds like one of forbidden fruit though and I suspect that the reason you can't show your feelings is because you don't want to be kicked out of the garden of Eden. If it makes you feel good then its not all bad. I wish he knew what he was missing, because you are a catch that he wouldn't throw back. I love you,too! Anthony
Welcome !
