My Thoughts
by
Regina Pate
(Age: 29)
copyright 10-12-2005
Age Rating: 10 to 12
People are in their own little room
in their own little space
with no real place
to call their own
What's happening to this world
everybody, everywhere
seems to be fading away
When you look at your brother sitting next to you
can you feel what he is dying to tell you?
Do you wonder if he even notices how hard it is
to catch your breath?
Why do we proceed to rob our children of this world?
I can see your sea of unfallen tears
that you've acquired through the years
I am sorry you are in pain
but you are not alone
I will help you if I can
All I have are these two hands
but you can borrow them to you I lend
Things are gonna change
you can bet on that
Are you gonna leave this time
A better person
Now, that's one question that you and only you can answer
It's your life
If you don't like it
change it
If you can't change it
work on changing
how you feel about it
Listen to people tell their stories
it's not different from your own
Just laugh a little
Read the paper
Get interested in what someone is trying to tell you
And sometimes, it's best to say nothin' at all
And when it is time to go to bed,
go to bed
When you wake up
it will be tomorrow
yesterday's gone
let it go
Don't put off until tomorrow
what can be done today
Tomorrow might not come
has it yet?
Do you know where you are at
It is seven p.m. Tuesday night
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Anything I say to this would be an understatement.
Marvelous with a capital "M" is all I can think of. You humble me with your beautiful thoughts
and awe me with your philosophy.
You are either or both a very precocious young lady or you have been through a lot.
Your wise beyond your years. Your mom has a wonderful daughter!
Wow. This is really thought- provoking. I love it!!!! I think this should be a poem though... I think it would look better centered. ^.^ Although if you want to leave it as a story, I can see why you would do that too.
One suggestion:
"All I have are these two hands
but you can borrow them to you I lend"
I think it would be better as
"All I have are these two hands
but you can borrow them 'cause to you I will lend"
I don't know why. I sort of specialize in free-writes and not organized rhyming. ^.^
Great job!! Maybe you'll come read my new book. It has the same title as this story, "My Thoughts", and I'm going to put thoughts that I have that I think others should be aware of as well. Maybe you'll take a look??
Do I find the reason in this rhyme?
It's Tuesday night. Where's Gina?
I have already given points and criticism for this work, but I will read it again and again if it will help me to know you better.
It still needs to be in two parts... how about one piece, part one and part two? (you pick the intro to each, not necessarily part one and two)
'My Thoughts' and 'Not to change the subject, but..' etc..
I know you really want help, so take some advice! (smile)
Welcome !
