| |
Well, I've been looking for a significant other for quite some time now. O.K., about 7 years. . . . I came pretty close a couple of times, but I'm finding that the only perfect men in my life right now are a dog named Rex (he swears my daughter hung the moon), a cat named Tuffy (he organizes the house for me) and a horse named Fitzmonster (don't ask, that's a different story). Anyway, I'm on every dang internet dating service that's free, too. When I first started with that, I thought it would work, but so far, all I've gotten is more funny material to add to the elusive book that I'm threatening to write. I'm also thinking of doing some stand up comedy.
Well, in keeping with the old "silver lining attitude", since I'm not really meeting the man of my dreams, and doubt that I ever will off the computer, I started looking at the ads to see what I could get that was funny. Here's a little of what I saw:
"If you're ready to move in NOW, right NOW, let's skip all this e-mailing and dating stuff. Pack your stuff and get here. I'll call you on the phone once, and we'll decide together. "
I think that I'll wait to pack my bags and load the horses.
(From a guy that lives on a horse ranch in Texas): "American women are all liars, cheaters and drunks. . . . If you're answering this ad, and you're Americano then you better be petite."
Any other race can be fat? I really wanted to ask that question, but wasn't sure that I wanted to re-live the Alamo.
This guy really had me rolling: "I live with my mother because I have a rare heart condition that will soon be fixed. After that, I can get out of here and start living my own life again. . . . I want someone who is marriage minded. No baggage, no cheating. Someone who will live only for me."
First of all, why would someone who wants to live their own life want to get married? Secondly, it takes a big wimp of a woman to live only for a man. Thirdly, the guy looked like he was kin to Charlie Manson, is a control freak, and as soon as he's over his "heart condition" is probably going to axe his mom for the house. My one word description: LOSER.
"I like my women to be soft and supple. I don't want a woman who is in the least boyish or tough."
Let me get this straight, he's looking for an insufferable wimp, no backbone, and without a doubt, someone who is just going to say, "Yes, sir" to his every command? Rules me out.
Most were looking for a "homemaker". I seriously doubt that their idea of making a home and my idea of it match. Not many men have really thought about the fact that any divorced woman who's paid her dues would gratefully follow them to the kitchen, wooden spoon in hand, and make brownies.
Now let me ask all of you this: Is there something wrong with me that none of these guys even appeal to me? I looked at probably 100 ads and there was ONE that I thought of writing to, but had no idea what to say. I've still got him bookmarked.
I've always heard that men judge women on looks, but up here, I see some of the best looking men with the doggiest women. Is this because they can control them?
Now we all know that I'm flat out of control. I can't even control myself, most of the time. I like it that way. Is that my problem? Heck, I don't know, but I ain't going to say that I will, or even CAN, change because a man wants me to. SOOOOO, I guess that I'll just keep looking.
August, 2001
|
Help Us Stop Plagiarism -
Nearly all works at PnP are original. However a few people choose to plagiarize.
To check, choose a phrase from the work, then either drag and drop to the search box or copy and paste.
click on search and works at Google will be shown which match. Just to be sure, please do this before
you recommend or rate the work highly...
|
 |
|
|
|
Select a Random Work
from Stories
|
|
Welcome !
