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I remember sitting in my room the last day of summer before sixth grade.
“Casper, will you still be my best friend, even in middle school?”
Casper sat down next to me, appearing right when I said his name, just as he always had. “Of course. I’ll always be your friend.”
I smiled back at him. “It’ll be a lot different without all those kids I knew. I mean, I know lots of them were mean, but I knew them. I don’t know any of the kids in this new school I’m going to tomorrow. What if…Casper, what if I don’t like it?”
Casper smiled. “I’ll still be here, won’t I?”
I looked at him for a good long time, taking in all his features. It was only when I tried to do this I realized I couldn’t see anything about him. There was no appearance that went with Casper. I couldn't see the color of his hair, or what kind of shirt he was wearing. Just some sort of spirit I had always talked to.
“Casper…”
You’re not real.
That was the last time I ever talked to Casper.
…
The small orchestra began pulling out their books, setting them up on the stands and flipping through the pages, trying to find the correct page for the ‘Can-Can’. The conductor, Mrs. Bishop, stood in front of them all, ready to lead them through the new piece.
The teacher scanned the small group of kids, and noticed something right away that made her smile.
“Didn’t bring your music again, Kelsey?”
The little fourth grader just smiled up at her, her blue eyes glittering. “I don’t need my books, Mrs. Bishop.”
The teacher smiled again, a funny little smirk. “Really? How are you going to play the music without your books?”
Kelsey smiled still back at her, as if the teacher had simply asked her what the time was. “I already have the song memorized.”
All the other kids turned around in amazement, staring at her, big eyes wide like jewels. They had all known that weird girl was smart, but nobody was so smart they could memorize a song before they had even learned it!
But the teacher didn’t seem to think this was shocking. In fact, she smiled at Kelsey's proclamation. “Very well, then. From the top!”
She raised her baton in the air, and the children prepared themselves, still slightly confused. Those with violins and violas lifted their instruments, and the celloists straightened their backs in their chairs, everyone thinking the same thing: they had only had this instrument for three months! How could she have done that?
They made it through the entire song with only a few mess-ups. Everybody made sure to listen to Kelsey and her viola very carefully, peeking over their music stands at the back of her head. The scary thing was, she hadn’t been lying. She played the entire piece without a single flaw, no music in front of her.
At the end of the song, the children all turned around to face Kelsey once again, their jaws dropped. Kelsey simply smiled as before, holding her viola proudly on her knee.
…
Swing higher…higher…higher…
Yes! I felt like I was flying! The air was whizzing past by face, and I felt like a bird in the sky!
“Whee!”
Casper was on the ground, looking up at me. He smiled. “You did it!”
I leapt off the swing, soaring through the air and landing on the ground, mulch scattering everywhere. I landed right on my feet, but they didn’t seem to like being landed on so suddenly, and I fell right over. I heard somebody laugh, and I laughed right with them.
I got up, brushing off my jeans. I just kept smiling and laughing, wishing secretly I had landed just like all the other kids landed. They flew off the swing, like eagles, and landed like eagles too. I always landed like some sort of web-footed duck.
But that didn’t really matter that much, did it?
…
A small girl was huddled over her desk, fidgeting with her pencil, trying to write something. She began to speak out loud what she was writing. “When I grow up, I want to be a movie star.” This, however, didn’t seem to expedite her writing abilities. She looked over to her left, talking right out to the desk next to her. “Can I see how you did it, Casper?”
She seemed to lean over, as if reading an invisible piece of paper that was in between her desk and the empty one next to her. Her eyes widened, a dramatic realization coming to her. “Oh! I see! I’ve been doing my ‘e’s all wrong!” She quickly returned to her own paper, beginning to write again. This time the ‘e’ wasn’t backwards.
A boy sitting in front of the girl turned around, smirking. “Who are you talking to, Kelsey?”
She looked up at him, smiling. “Oh, Casper was just helping me with my writing, that’s all.” She looked back down at her paper, concentrating with all her might on writing her name.
The boy let out a small laugh, then turned back around, muttering to the other boys around him, a smirk twisting his face.
…
“Casper, what should we do today?” I smiled up at my best friend, smiling just like a chipmunk. At least, if chipmunks smile, I smiled just like one.
Casper is my best friend at school. He always sits right next to me during class. I’ll try to talk to him all the time during class. About things like the clouds outside or what I had for breakfast. All the other kids around me will laugh at me every time I try to talk to Casper, but I just laugh right with them. And so does Casper! Casper has the funniest laugh in the world! It’s bouncy and little, kind of like those little gumballs you get from the machines in the grocery store.
Mrs. Harper, our teacher, will always look at me over her big, long nose, and she’ll say (every time she says the exact same thing, I swear!) “Kelsey, who are you talking to?” And I’ll look up at her and smile really big, just like a chipmunk, and I’ll just say, “I’m talking to Casper!” And that’ll make the other kids laugh some more, and I’ll laugh with them. And so will Casper!
“What do you want to do, Kelsey?” Casper was in a good mood today, probably. He was always happy and bouncy, but today he was especially bouncy. He sat right next to me on the edge of the playground, smiling.
I jumped up, smiling big like a chipmunk again. “Let’s play with the other kids!”
“Okay!” Casper leapt up right next to me, just as excited as me.
I began looking around the playground for any kids that were in the same grade as me. I spotted a group of girls I knew were in my grade; my best friends! (Aside from Casper, of course.) There was Amanda, Sara, and Gabby! I ran right over to them, and I only tripped once on the wooden mulch.
“Hey, guys!” I smiled all big again, just like a chipmunk.
Amanda, the pretty one with blonde hair, smiled back at me. “Oh, hi, Kelsey!” I think she kind of sounded like she had a cold. There was something wrong with her nose. I blinked. “Is there something wrong with your nose?”
The other girls, Sara and Tillie, laughed. They sounded like they all had colds! I blushed. “Oh, my! You must all have colds!”
Sara leaned towards me, really close. “Why don’t you play with you little friend, Kelsey?”
I smiled, big and bright. “Oh, you mean Casper?” I pointed at him. He was still standing over at the edge of the playground, and he waved at us. I waved back, and then turned back to them. “He can play with us too, if you want.”
They all laughed again. They all turned away, laughing still. I shrugged, skipping back over to Casper.
“They probably just don’t want to get me sick with their colds.”
Casper nodded eagerly. “Yeah, that’s right! I mean, best friends don’t get their best friends sick, do they?”
I looked over at him, smiling really big. “Yeah, you’re right!”
…
I could almost imagine his sad face disappearing into oblivion. It was only then I understood what naïve meant. It was only then I understood what my mom had always meant when she said I had an ‘active imagination.’
Now I know better. Now I’m different. And I’ll never see Casper again.
This is dedicated to all youth diagnosed with ADD
Just like I was.
ADD isn't the end of the world.
You'll probably go through some rough times.
You might not hear everything people say.
Your mind might change subjects every few seconds without you realizing.
It doesn't matter.
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