Dark skies far distant cries,
destructive path with all its wrath!
Nature calls city stalls,
buildings tall buildings fall,
lights have gone I look upon,
homes crushed turn to dust.
Fires blaze I stop to daze,
roaring skies with vengeful eyes!
Defenses battered prayers unanswered,
city of water with all its slaughter!
Days of thunder I often wonder,
mass destruction more construction,
sunken wrecks abandon decks,
Massive waves lives to save.
Bolt of light that sudden fright,
fearful eyes those darken skies!
End is here, storm has past
another direction moving fast.
Beginning of the end hopeful task,
next destination it stops to ask?
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I don't really see why this is in the Sailor Moon catagory other than ties to Jupiter.
The poem flows really well and you did a great job on rhyming. Though I must agree that there needs to be more commas to make it flow even better.
Otherwise, great job and keep it up. That style isn't easy to do.
This was a very good write! I just have a few suggestions...
1) If you let seperated it into stanzas, I think it would be a bit easier to read.
2) Put commas between your rhymes! That would really help in my opinion.
3) Just like Roger said...I also think you should capitalize the 'S' on 'storm' in your title. ^.^
Overall though, this was very good, and I really enjoyed reading it! It gave me a sense of rage and peace at the same time...sorta strange what Mother Nature can do sometimes! I especially liked the part about 'Beginning of the end hopeful task,/ next destination it stops to ask?' I really liked that!!!!
I think you are getting a bit more comfortable with your writing and it shows in this poem. I love the descriptive nature of this poem. But there is more here than meets the eye. The way you describe the events seem to indicate that randomness is not an option here. Your description of the events seem to be guided and purposely aimed at certain cities or places. This line gave me this impression, "roaring skies with vengeful eyes!" Some one is watching and he/she is not too happy with the events that unfold here on Earth and thus we pay the price. The format can be different, but this is your format. Other poets have used the same format and we have gotten used to it, so more power to you! You have also improved on grammar. I did not see one minuscule "I!" You listened! I really like this poem! Great job, Paul!!!!
This bounces along and is fun to read. Nature is funny, but it's also wonderful to watch.I love to watch a storm roll on! The word changes that David told you about would give this a better look, but I enjoyed the read! Anthony
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