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(My friends...
I wrote this story this morning. It's the only thing I've written since 9/11. I offer it only as explanation of my own thoughts, as my inner conflicts start to finally show some signs of resolution.)
Nineteen Days
It has now been nineteen days since the world changed. Finally, I think I have enough understanding of my own emotions to describe how I’m feeling. I say I think I have, because I’m still not totally sure what will come out as I sit down to write. However, I can only take this as a good sign, because it is the first words I’ve been able to put on paper since the bombing of the World Trade Center and Pentagon.
I’m sure I’m not unique, but it’s of little solace. You see, I’ve always considered myself a warrior, trained by the Marine Corps to serve my country against all foreign invaders, no matter who or how many. I raised my hand and vowed to Almighty God that I would unceasingly follow the orders of my comrades in the quest of my country’s protection. It is as true now as it was in 1967, and holds no less conviction in my heart. Sadly, I’ve reached a chronological age and state of health that prohibits me from active participation as a soldier, no matter what lies in my heart. So, I console myself by trying to rally my fellow citizens in defense of the precepts set down by our founding fathers.
Like most Americans, I can be surly, cynical and opinionated. As a former Marine, I’m also inclined toward quick-strike retaliation when I’m attacked. Unfortunately, I’m not always possessed of discernment’s wisdom, and I speak or act before I fully examine all the evidence. I tell myself It’s not my fault, I merely do what I’ve been taught to do in Boot Camp; assault the target, take it and then stop for analysis. To do otherwise in battle is to ensure defeat or disaster. Truthfully, there are few among us at this point in time that would attack me for feeling this way. However, there’s much more to the story, this time.
If punishment of the perpetrators of this sickening carnage were the only consideration, my instincts toward retaliation would be both justified and laudable. In truth, they may still even be necessary. But violence born of retribution and emotion can be extremely dangerous, especially when confronting an enemy we don’t totally understand. Therefore, a part of me also wants our nation’s leaders to be wise as well as powerful.
I ask a question in total honesty. Would photographs and reports of razed cities and thousands upon thousands of dead civilians appease one’s desire for justice? When the question is asked that way, suddenly my warrior instincts tremble and hide. The vicarious nature of the scene is revolting to me. I’d have no opportunity to participate, so to take satisfaction from such horror makes me no better than the monsters that commandeered those commercial jetliners. Somehow, I wasn’t cut out to sit in the Colosseum and cheer as people are ripped to shreds by lions.
Now, the question of appropriate action becomes the salient issue. Of course we must show the world that such hideous crimes will not be tolerated, and of course we must demonstrate our determination to hunt down and eliminate the animals responsible, but don’t we also have the responsibility to show the world that we are capable of measured response? Literally, the future of the world may hinge on our next move. When the international community views an action, they will see the same televised accounts we see, and they’ll judge us, because perception is often more important than reality. If we skew the world’s perception of righteous indignation, our support could quickly erode into a scenario based on the World War II historical bunker mentality that pits Europe and America against the entire Third World. If that happens, God help us all.
Rage… frustration… grief…all emotions born of atrocity. Our ability to react within the acceptable parameters of statesmanship will determine our ultimate success as we try to unite the world against the true enemy, terrorism. If we allow ourselves to give in to our desire for retribution and vengeance, are we really any different than those who attacked us?
Therein lies the dilemma. The definition of appropriate response will define us as a nation. We will be judged by the powerful and the weak alike, and millions will formulate their perception of us based entirely on our ability to disseminate justice founded in humanity. Last night on CNN, I watched as the truest weapon of humanity of was unloaded in Afghanistan—thousands of bags of wheat with USA emblazoned in red, white and blue. Maybe it’s not enough, or maybe it’s merely a token or a ploy. Lord knows the cynic in me though of that possibility. But, for the first time in nineteen days, I’m able to accept the hope of a peaceful solution. Isn’t that what, in our collective heart of hearts, we all truly desire?
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