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Frank Fields
Wayne Thomas
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Battlecry (a villanelle)
by Sammy A. (Age: 17)
copyright 08-31-2007


Age Rating: 13 to 127

 
My voice screams,
My heart thunders in my chest
As my fellow warriors and I challenge death's seams

In the past lies our foolish dreams,
With them, we were once obsessed;
My voice screams

The dreams seem childish, now that war is before the regimes.
Sacrificing themselves: to help others is their quest
As my fellow warriors and I challenge death's seams

I charge forward, obeying the commands of my supremes;
In this game called war, there is no rest.
My voice screams

This blood and sweat being spilt is so pointless, it seems
But I am part of this problem, for this war I acquiesced,
As my fellow warriors and I challenge death's seams.

And now I'll pay for my dirty war schemes
A sharp spear lunges through my breast.
My voice screams
As my fellow warriors and I challenge death's seams.
---
This is yet another poem written for an english assignment. It's my first time writing in villanelle form, so, again, feel free to point out the flaws.


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12-27-2007 Richard Reed Jr    

Although I am a free-style person, I do have experience with most forms -I love to experiment.
I don't see any flaws here and the rhymes are well-written and have the correct placement.
It flows well.
You really have talent.

I'll be back.

~hands her an ankle bracelet with black onyx beads~

~Rich
09-16-2007 Chessie H.    

Very nice! Although I have no idea what villanelle form is, I think the work is well constructed. The imagery wasn't lost with the form! That's hard to pull off sometimes. You did a wonderful job. Keep up the good work. :D

Chessie
09-06-2007 Samantha P.    

this was so cool. if you have the time you should find the book keturah and lord death, it reminds me of your poem, and it's a really interesting fantasy.
Back to your poem, i love how you repeated the challenging deaths seams
lol and this piece sort of reminded me of the greeks and romans (we are studying that in school) lol like maybe a great battle movie such as Troy, or 300
, or alexander and the list goes on and on
i love how you didnt have to turn this into a movie, your visual detail was amazing and it blended well
beautiful piece
Antha, again =P
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