Always Remembering
by
Ernest Lozon
(Age: 54)
copyright 12-04-2005
Age Rating: 10 to 127
I remember, when we first fell in love.
My heart filled with a burning desire.
Your shiny lips, soft and potent,
as we closed our eyes and kissed.
The sparkling glow in your eyes,
brought stars down from the heavens.
Your warm and comforting touch,
turning me into melted butter.
Conversations we shared everyday,
leaving me with feelings of joy.
Walks on the beach, locking our hands.
Sitting on the porch in the night air.
Exquisite love and passionate feelings,
we shared during times of laughter.
Tears of drowning sorrow and sadness,
as we embraced during troubled times.
I remember the love you had to offer,
as I offered all my love to you.
Now you have gone to meet your maker.
I'm always remembering your love forever.
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Your words tug at the heart and the lost love is both wonderful because you got to experience it and sad because it is now in the past. In memory it will always be with you. Thanks for your story. Anthony
In your vivid imagery, you show us the immeasurable grip that "Love" has on everyone of us (if we're so blessed to experience it). Its wonderful flow leads us to an unexpected end, however, the flow is interrupted in the last stanza, where a little tightening or tweaking, in my opinion is necessary. I would say, "I remember the love you had to offer." Because I was expecting, "The," as opposed to "Your," it made me stumble a bit. Also, I expected, "Now you have gone to meet your maker," as opposed to "The maker." Finally, "I'll remember your love forever," does not quite pay homage to the rest of the poem, which is crisp and gripping. All in all, this is a wonderful poem with an unexpected end.
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