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RIPPED OUT FROM THE CORE
Broken Music

by Kimberly Angelone (Age: 43)
copyright 11-29-2005


Age Rating: 10 +

His deep sensitive eyes play my heartstrings like no other.

I look right through them and I can hear the music play.

I touch him with a love that is soft and wanting and rock him slowly….he barely notices and he is a big part of the peak.

I wait for a sign, any sign, but I will sooner grow gray hair and wrinkles.

I thought I saw traces of something once….but I was in deep, deep denial.

I cry with no tears and beg with my vulnerability and scream without a sound...he doesn’t even notice.

I know I have enough love to last us both a lifetime. But he laughs at me because he doesn't have a handle on it.

He motions me away like a gnat with his words and expressions.

My words and love fall on deaf ears, and I am broken.




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        08-19-2010     Leigh Gilholm Fisher        

Unrequited love; as the others have mentioned, it's the kind of thing no one can escape. Your story was very expressive of that, and conveyed how truly damaging it can be.

Great work! I look forward to reading more of your writing!


~Leigh of the Commenting Community

        02-27-2009     June Nazarian        

Kimberly, this is a sad tale. To be present, open and loving if the face of an attitude such as his, is not pleasant to say the least. If this is true, it was long enough ago that I assume the situation is long gone. You have skillfully expressed a depth of feeling. One inconsistency I see is the mention of his sensitive eyes in first line, yet the remainder of the poem shows how very insensitive he is. All in all, very nice.....June

        03-05-2008     Eric Gasparich        

Aww, who hasn't experienced this. For some, it's not an occurrence, but a way of life.

In this, I see yet again some fudging of transitive and intransitive states, so I have to assume it is part of the way you write. I'm not sure if the effect is to make it more poetic or not, at least in any conventional sense. Of course, I am something of a yokel and a literalist / conventionalist, so I'll have to think further on that.

One thing for sure, you always touch on common human experiences, and that is always solid and trenchant trait to have. As Terentius said, Homo sum: humani nil a me alienum puto- I am human, nothing human is alien to me.

        12-07-2005     David Pekrul        

This paints such a sad picture. This is well written, I just hope it is fiction and not from personal experience.
Once small critique:
"But he laughs at me because he doesn't have a handle on it." This sentence should not start with the word 'but'. This sentence should be a continuation of the sentence prior to it.




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