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Vivya Cristina
Kazu Siro
2 Free Members

2 Members
26 Guests

Just
by Tiffany Forster (Age: 21)
copyright 12-18-2005


Age Rating: 13 to 127

 
They say you are my sunshine
My ray of hope and light
The one for me to lean on
And to help push away the night

They call you a shining knight
All proud upon your steed
An emblem of love and vigor
Ready for a good deed

You’re a pillar of pure strength
For me to lean on when I’m down
The image of perfection
Of whom I have found

But I don’t need a knight
To chase away my fears
Or a ray of light and hope
Or a pillar to stand the years

I need my winged angel
Who will watch me from on high
And be there when I need him
And help me learn to fly

You needn’t be ever so perfect
Or a prince upon his steed
For in all the real truths
It’s just you I need


((Umm, yeah. This is for my angel and knight in shining armor. ^.^))


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12-19-2005 Roger Crique    

Well, well, well, here comes Roger, the bearer of bad news! Seriously, I can be very critical at times, but please know that it is for your artistic growth that I will tell you the following. I find it very difficult to write a poem about a loved one. This is due to the fact that when we're in love, everything seems perfect and it can get a bit mushy. I agree with David that this poem will look and sound better if you divide it into stanzas. Also, you overused the word WILL. "And will me there when I need him," I think you're missing a word between will and me. I also feel that you need to work on the ending of your poem, make it a bit more powerful. The imagery is that of medieval times, giving it a very romantic glow to it, but the fluidity suffers due to the lack of stanzas.
12-19-2005 Anthony Lane Stahlhut    

Thank you so much for writing about ME! Oh this wasn't about me? pouting Well it could be if I was this nice. You have written a very smooth poem for the one you love and I'm sure he was touched! Anthony
Visitor Reads: 374
Total Reads: 420
Comments: 2

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