Once Upon a Time
by
Tiffany Forster
(Age: 21)
copyright 01-20-2006
Age Rating: 13 to 127
Shards of glass glisten
Like edges of sharp pain
A dagger that will listen
And soon carve out your name.
I feel no more emotion
Now I merely cry
I feel no true devotion
I just let it die.
I tried so hard to please you
To make your dreams come true.
But you just ignored me
My dreams were run through.
I had a faerie tale ending
All set out for us
But the messages I’m sending
Are oft’n turned to dust.
You were suppose to be Charming
My prince in all white
But the end was too alarming
And you weren’t supposed to fight.
So now I’ll sit here weeping
For what was never mine.
And the shadows are slowly creeping
Into my Once Upon a Time.
(( One of my favorite old poems... kinda from a not-so-nice time in my life, but I have always liked this poem. ^.^ There is something off in it, but I could never figure it out, maybe someone else can? -looks around- Pwease?))
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I really like this poem! I know what you mean by something's off though. I think it's really good though, so don't get the wrong idea, but I think in the second stanza the last verse might be a little too short. (In my opinion) Just think about adding maybe "I just watched and let it die"? "Just sat and let it die"? See what you think... I just think that it would flow better. Also just something to think about trying, maybe switch it to "My prince all in white"? Just a suggestion. See what you think. I really like it though even if you don't change it, it still sounds great. Do you think you could check out some of my poems when you have the time? I want to know what you think. keep up the great work!
Just a fellow writer,
~Cassie~
this is short but good. I feel that it takes a lot of pride to post a short poem because people normally dont believe that the point will get across if it's short. BUt yours did!
angela