A Father/Son Embrace
by
James Shammas
(Age: 44)
copyright 12-17-2005
Age Rating: 13 to 127
"Out of the blue, son? A question like that?
He was run over, yes; I miss him too.
I don't know if it hurts when you die,
but you've got guts to ask. I couldn't
because my dad was drinking."
The man hugs his son, and smells an oily
skin and hair smell that smells like a man,
a boyish sort of man with a scent of stale cigar.
He couldn't tell who from whom and felt
afraid to let him go; facing him would be
awful and sublime; it meant seeing,
the start of something terribly new:
neither fist nor belted whip
could erase the lines on either face
frozen in the moment of such tight embrace.
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Death could be pretty ambiguous to a six-year old, let alone horrifying. We always want to shield our children from this situation and I think you were doing the same. I just feel that there are a few sentences that need improvement, such as, "I know it's enough: it's in
Your smile, your letting us reach out to Both our dads, myself and him in you. Thank you son. See you tonight." This is a complicated sentence to read clearly. This affects the fluidity of the poem. I don't understand why you opted to post script. Why not include it in your poem? I think that the subject matter is interesting in and of itself, but you need to tweak this poem a bit, in order to maximize its potential.
Very heartfelt and honest.
You have broken the lines in odd places; was there a reason for that? I would have broken each line at the end of the sentence, but that is just me. But I do think it would flow better that way.