Behind These Brown Eyes
by
Anne-marie Hewlett
(Age: 18)
copyright 12-29-2005
Age Rating: 10 to 127
You tried to explain, but I walk away
I look at you but you look away
I know I always seem to know
What to do, what to say
I tried to believe, tried to stay
I knew what I had to do,
I knew I had to walk away
Look at what you did, that caused me to leave
Look at what you said, that caused me to change
I’m confused as to why; I hate you so much more
Look at this girl behind these brown eyes
The words that you said
Tore me apart
The scene in my mind
When I tried to tell you that
I love you with all of my heart
What I did I do wrong to make you do this?
Where did you find her, this girl whom now
Takes her place in your bed and your heart?
The one who took my place, in your life for a start
Look at what you did, that caused me to leave
Look at what you said, that caused me to change
I’m confused as to why; I hate you so much more
Look at this girl behind these brown eyes
I don’t care if you begged, don’t care what you say
I don’t want to here those words, “Baby come back to me.”
I don’t want you begging at my front door,
There’s a new lock anyway, your key won’t fit anymore
You opened up my heart, with all those lies
Look at this heart behind these brown eyes.
(Note: I am not broken hearted, this was just at the top of my head)
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Very dark... The emotion of hear break is a hard one and raw emotion is the best way to express it. When someone you believe you love leaves out it seems like the end of the world. But believe it or not, any infarction dies down someday. To quote the best fitting verse I've ever heard, "When the thrill subsides, will you still be mine?" That's all a crush is a fast blast of passion and the fire burning in our hearts when we meet someone who be believe can be more than a friend and someone we can trust. That phrase really fills in the blanks. True love still burns like a candle when the fire is doused. There;s still a candle burning in our hears for that person. If that candle is also put out, then there's no point in presetting that emotion for that person any further. Pain and perception are simply the same thing on it's viewer. So weather perception resolves in pain or resolves in for ever burning flame, is up to the people that feel it for each other. If someone falls out of love with you, then there's no one to blame. The thrill subsided; the fire went out. The emotion we call "love" died. This is a sad story you tell in this poem. Very good work. I'm a dark writer and fan, so I really enjoyed reading this. Richard is right though. You did switch tenses a few times. Either way the raw emotion was present it this poem, and even though you weren't hear broken when you wrote this it's all biased from a prospection of pain from a deeply wounding memory. Very good word, I hope to read more dark poems by you. Sorry if you don't like really big comments...but, I really enjoyed reading this. The way you tell this painful story is wonderfully written. I've felt heart breack a lot. But when you reach deep down, you really don't hate the person you loved. You're only waiting for that fire to die.
I liked the raw emotions in this poem.
It does soun kike you're feeling them yourself.
Very high impact.
Good write! Only one thing---it seems like you mixed past and present tense at tmes, but maybe I wasn't reading it correctly.
Ahh...yet another poem that would make a wonderful song. You should start making songs! You said you wanted to co-write a song with someone, but you would be exellent writing them on your own. Personally, I like writing things alone so I can make them exactly the way I want, and no one can have any say about it! But that's just me.
Welcome !
