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Having returned from my long vacation away from this site, I'm pleased to find nothing has changed. People even still ask me "Gee, Mike, I'd really like to learn new things and become a good writer, but I just don't know how to go about it!"
Well, I've finally decided to share a collection of tips that will help even the most amateurish writer look professional on Prose N Poetry, or any other internet writing community.
When Writing Stories:
1. Get The Story Out As Quickly As Possible - Obviously, the feeling of pride and exhilaration you get when you finish a piece means that you've got a real winner on your hands. That in mind, if you take too long to get it out where the world can see it, you risk allowing someone else to come up with the same idea and publishing it before you. So the best course of action is to write like computer game programmers program and make the work accessible to the public as quickly as your schedule allows. This, of course, means tossing proofreading out the window, but additional drafts are boring and tedious, and there's no way your readers won't be able to understand what you've written. I mean, it makes perfect sense when you read it, so there shouldn't be a problem.
2. Research Is Boring - So you wanna write something that takes place in Feudal Japan. Something with ninja, perhaps, or maybe a miko or two. As fun as other cultures may be to write about, there's always the daunting task of researching what you want to write about before you write about it. I know, it's just like school, isn't it? But like school, you can cut corners and get loads of historical information with a minimal amount of reading! Want to learn about the Japanese culture? Inu-Yasha, Riouni Kenshin, and Naruto are saturated with it! Just watch Toonami for a couple weeks and you'll know more about Japanese history than anybody! How many people know about the exotic and highly effective swords that had their blade inside the curve? Or that boys and girls were trained equally in ninja academies to learn such ninjutsu tricks as "confronting enemies head-on" and "wearing ninja garb in public"? I bet nobody knows about all the gender equality in that culture, either. Why, come to think of it, you'd be a lot like a teacher doing this project! Everyone would be impressed with your boundless and accurate knowledge of the country.
3. Punctuation and Grammar - I'll tell you right now that no one cares a lick about this. It's hard to learn and difficult to master, so just give it the finger and move on. Besides, Spell-Check does all this for you.
When Writing Poetry:
1. Choosing Your Style - The great thing about poetry is there are only two styles to write in; Rhymed Verse and Free Verse. Well, there's also haiku and limmericks, but those are for practice. I'm talking about the real McCoy that professional poets use when submitting their work online or on paper. For those of you who are just starting out in poetry, I'll elaborate to help you decide which style is best for you.
Rhymed Verse is the standard poetic form that's been used for centuries. It's said that it takes a lot of skill to write in this style, but that's just a ruse used by the people who don't like competition. I mean, rhyming is just two words that sound the same. How hard is that? Honestly.
Then there's structure. Rhymed Verse's structure and rhyme scheme go hand-in-hand, and are easy to memorize. All the big fish of internet poetry use it and use it well. It goes something like this:
Da da da da da da da A
Da da da da da B
Da da da da da da da A
Da da da da da B
Da da da da da da da C
Da da da da da D
Da da da da da da da C
Da da da da da D
It's great because it's flexible. You can restructure it without making it look too weird and without disrupting the rhyme scheme. Like so:
Da da da da da da da A
Da da da da da B
Da da da da da da da A
Da da da da da B
Da da da da da da da C
Da da da da da D
Da da da da da da da C
Da da da da da D
Free Verse is the easier of the two, but it's less "child-like" than rhymed poetry and more widely accepted among elite poets. If you have an internet blog, you're already halfway to writing in Free Verse.
First, you must have anguish. Free Verse isn't the same without some kind of suffering, like a boyfriend that broke up with you or that girl that just won't give you the time of day. Writing yourself as a tragic hero/heroine of love is the most popular and widely-embraced subject matter for Free Verse.
Next, in order to write effective Free Verse poetry, you must let the words pour out onto paper like a free-flowing waterfall.
Every time I think of her my heart aches. I'm tourmented, lost, alone. This black cauldron of despair envelops me so that I cannot see or feel anything but you.
There, I feel much better. But my poetry doesn't look much better. Ah, that's because it isn't Free Verse yet! I have to apply the final step, which is the Free Verse Poetic Structure.
This type of poetry's structure is even more flexible than Rhymed Verse's because its general purpose is to make a shattered, unpredictable shape on the page in order to keep the reader on their toes. The best way to do this is to separate every phrase, adjective, adverb, and emotional word with the ENTER key. Double-space your complete thoughts, too.
Every time I think of her
my heart aches.
I'm tourmented,
lost,
alone.
This black cauldron of
despair
envelops me
so that I cannot see or feel
anything but you.
And there you have it!
2. Poetry Is About YOU - When it comes to subject matter, poetry readers want to focus on the poet and his/her immediate state of mind, emotional state, current mood, or breakfast craving. After all, your poetry comes from your soul, so that's what it oughta be about! This is especially true when writing Free Verse, as I stated before. Always remember that poetry is defined as "The intellectually and emotionally superior speaking to the masses of spontaneous and overwhelming emotion as it is occurring."
3. Music is Poetry! - Don't fret, musicians (no pun intended). Song lyrics and poetry are one and the same, so the same rules apply! The only difference is you have to have a chorus after every stanza. Unless your craft is rap, in which case you'll do more Free Verse.
General Tips for All Writers:
1. Practice! - The key to becoming a great writer is reading different examples of other people's work, practicing your writing, making mistakes, and learning from them. At least, if you're the average writer who gets jobs writing catalogue descriptions. You're an artist. This shit comes naturally to you. You wouldn't feel that rush of happiness and parental love for your piece that I previously mentioned if you didn't have some sort of gift. And all gifted people need an outlet, which leads them to online writing communities! I mean, just look at what the communities' members have to say about each other's work! Rarely do you ever see an unpleasant remark about a story or a piece of poetry. What more proof could you possibly need that these people are gods of literature?
2. Praise the Works of Others - Good writers praise the works of other good writers, and your own talents ensure that all your writer friends are just as good as you are by association.
3. Don't Take Shit From Internet Trolls - You've worked long and hard on your piece, so the last thing you want is someone ripping it apart. Trolls, also known as "Jealous Untalented Twits", would love nothing better than to see you fail, so they constantly criticize your work and never have any praise for it. You wrote the damn thing. If you made a mistake, you would have caught it, yet despite this logic these morons still insist on questioning your judgment. So if someone has anything but nice things to say about your masterpiece, harrass them back. Insult their own works and send them hateful emails explaining to them how much more you know about your craft than they ever will. That's the professional thing to do.
I hope this guide to professional writing helps any and all who viewed it. Remember to take these rules to heart, and you'll fit right in with any writing community you meet! Good luck, and keep writing!
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