Psychosis Of A Diseased Girl
by
Tabitha Beaudin
(Age: 30)
copyright 02-06-2006
Age Rating: 13 to 127
Emily lays languidly, covers tangled among emaciated
limbs. She reaches for a pen, a pad of paper. Writes, thinks,
wishes across white canvas. She coughs into her notebook,
breathing in her half-remembered dreams. Stops writing and
tears the paper into tiny strips that float naturally to the chaotic floor.
She's alone for a moment, no doctors, nurses or tests to recreate her.
Sweet twilight. Obvillion, so close, far, death is waiting. Will she
welcome it?
A silver blade, Emily can't wait. Scarlet drops, glistening darkness
spreading throughout her. She takes the blade. Closes her eyes,
imagines the sweet ecstasy of steel on flesh.
Emily opens her eyes, and looks at the door. Footsteps; they grow
closer. Voices. That delicious steel, inches from her skin. She takes
the blade and puts it under her mattress. The door opens. As Emily
nods, she traces faded scars with her fingertips.
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I like Mike MacDonald's first interpretaton, but think that 'the silver blade' does not exist in what is the 'real' world for the rest of us (and hence the title). I also therefore think that the length is just right. If more needs be said it should be said elsewhere.
I think in the first line that 'lays' should be 'lies'. Is the floor chaotic or something else perhaps cluttered? A poser for me to come back and try to winkle the meaning out of.
Not bad. This is a fresh perspective for me, seeing things through the eyes of one with self-destructive behavior, and I dig how she saves cutting herself for another time and fondles her scars. Of course, doing so leaves it open to two interpretations.
One way it could be interpreted is that she wanted to relish cutting herself in solitude. The orderlies and what have you were too close for that to happen at that moment. Wouldn't do to have them interrupt her, and if they take the blade away what then? Save it for later.
Another way it can be interpreted is that she suddenly realizes the cutting doesn't do anything to help her, that it's merely a temporary relief that may eventually end her if she lets it get out of hand.
Either of these is perfectly plausible, but what I'd like to see is if you can expand on this piece to make either one of these more apparent. As it is now, if the first interpretation is correct, then it's kind of interesting but lacking the unsettling edge it ought to have, and if the latter interpretation is correct then it looks just plain half-assed.
I think this has a lot of potential. Spend more time with it and see if you can stretch it out to a couple of pages. I'd like to know more about this poor kid.
This is a feeling too many have to deal with. I will never understand how feeling pain relieves pain, but I guess that is the sickness. I enjoyed the way you told this story and think it might help someone that is on the edge to make a better decision, Anthony
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