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Feeling Now?

by Jack Curson (Age: 41)
copyright 01-27-2006

Age Rating: 7 +

Expanding within me;
I am overloaded.
Everyone understands;
But these lines in the sand cause strife,
Anger relishes in such a quandary.
My patience is regretfully short,
Disemboweling the me that is inside,
Working, keeps the mind busy,
Chasing reality away,
Pressing on strengthens me,
Help me;
Your love is sufficient,
A child that is me weeps;
Shielded from all,
Stepping back,
I relinquish freedom.
Carried, cradled in Christ arms;
Such comfort,
Love expounding.
Given in His grace,
Founded before creation;
Without you I AM.

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        01-29-2006     Roger Crique        

This is a beautiful affirmation to how we all need to feel guided and lead by the hand, from the one source that can do it without failure and with much love, God. However, I think you must consider a few grammatical miscues. An exclamation point followed by a question mark means absolutely nothing. If you seek to emphasize your words, do it with word-choice. I would not recommend you play around with grammar, it downgrades your work. I think that here, "Shielded form all," you meant from instead of form. I would also consider to divide this into stanzas. I cannot emphasize this enough. Stanzas provide easier reading and allows the writer more control of his expressions. Because you do have many run-on sentences, the fluidity suffers greatly and the imagery becomes fuzzy and confusing.

        01-28-2006     James Shammas        

I had a little difficulty responding to this. Sounds like the speaker constantly questions what he is feeling and who he is, unsure until the last "I AM," which occurs without question mark and without God's influence. Maybe this is self-affirmation without the need for an outside source-- trusting the divine within. A lot to think about here.


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