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On Line
Plam Pluk
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listened
by Vicki G.
copyright 04-25-2006


Age Rating: 7 to 127

 
and his voice drones on
while I watch his lips
my hands go forth
to quiet him.
he stops to watch
my hair in wisps
never listen,
and but he does.

but and he ends.
I watch him slip
falling in the dark-
and goodbye,
he whispers.
I listened.


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Comments on this Article/Poem:
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06-27-2006 Leigh G.    

Not too bad. You need to capitalize this title, but aside from that this isn't too bad. I'm just a little..unstimulated with how many dark heartbreak poems I've read before... I do like the way you used HTML in an uncommon way though, gives this poem a nice touch. The topic is a common one, and you need to capitalize the start of each one of your lines, but the flow and overall structure of this poem are good. Sorry for such the short comment...I've read too many love poems. Even though, I did like how you had the descriptions which painted a picture in my mind. Good work, keep writing.


Leigh of the Commenting Crusaders
05-24-2006 Jessica P.    

Good job your poem had a nice flow and rythm to it. It also rhymed quite nicely. Keep up the good work!
Visitor Reads: 258
Total Reads: 287
Comments: 2

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