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The clock ticked away, every precious moment lost. 11 O’clock rolled by as I sat in my Geometry class. My head dropped in my palms, my hair provided shields from unwanted glares or concern. My Geometry teacher walked by and asked if I was OK. I whispered a solemn yes as if it was a law to say you were even if it wasn’t true.
It was October 12th 2005. Not but a week earlier I found out that my friend who at that time fought a long battle with bone cancer had been given only till December to live. I fought back the tears at this news; I knew he wouldn’t return to school so apologizing wasn’t an option. We had gotten into a fight not that long before this, I wanted to apologize but now I knew it would never happen.
A boy with bleach blond hair strolled into the room with his lunch, as he made his way to his seat he said, “Someone said I laughed when I heard about Travis.”
My heart immediately sunk. I wanted to ask him what happened, just to make sure, though when I tried to talk tears welled in my eyes.
After my Geometry class I hesitated as I walked down the stairs to the commons. When I arrived I went entirely numb. I heard nothing, felt nothing, saw nothing except the red, wet faces of my friends. One of my closer friends came over and told me the unbelievable had happened, Travis had died.
I quickly snapped out of my trance, grabbed the nearest friend and rushed outside. I am always the strong one, so breaking down in front of all those other sad faces wasn’t an option. When I opened the door to go outside a blast of cold air greeted me. I ran to the nearest wall and collapsed against it, tears rolled down my face in an uncontrolable manner. Reality set in slowly, the fact; I had just lost one of the most inspiring friends I will ever meet.
After my breakdown outside I figured I needed some alone time. I marched up the stairs to the library, my legs wobbled the entire way with barely enough strength to get my to my destination. When I got to the library I sought out a seat far in the back. Even before I arrived at the table I threw my backpack to the ground and collapsed once again, only this time in a chair. Memories long forgotten of 8th and 9th grade began to flood my brain. I saw him hug me as he would every day before gym. I even felt the hug.
I went back to the commons after I calmed down a bit and at the sight of all the red faces I just ran to the bathroom. My best friend and Travis’s ex-girlfriend followed me. I sat under the second sink, a blank stare upon my face. Shelly (my friend) sat beside me. No one said anything, we knew better. We had dreaded the day the doctors warned us would come, the day of his death. The world stopped completely, those who didn’t know or didn’t understand what happened didn’t dare ask. The whole world just, stopped.
When I look back on that day my heart still sinks. I sing over and over in my mind the lyrics to his favorite song, “I’m Already There” by Lonestar. When I tried to talk about it I just broke down, that’s why for the first 2 months after he passed I never talked about it. Though it did make me stronger, I realize now that were all given only one life. That now, thanks to Travis’s inspiration I choose to live.
*DEDICATED TO TRAVIS Z.*
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