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Looking Out
by Leigh G. (Age: 14)
copyright 04-01-2006

Age Rating: 7 to 127

I'm look out of my window by the sea
Wondering when the waves on the ocean will carry you home
I don't know how
I don't know when
But completely trapped
It's killing me
Completely
I can't even see
Nothin' past darkness of the light
More and more blood showing in the seas
Reflected in the blood-stained sunsets
How many live have taken?
I know that you're not the person you used to be
Yet I'm still trapped here as me
I look out at the ocean
Wait for the sunsets
Waiting for to come back to me
You disappeared into the night
Maybe you'll come at dawn
I'm trapped here alone
Stuck looking at the sea
I gaze across the surface of the ocean
As the winds blow against the tide
As the night expands through the sky
I don't what I'll see
But just maybe...
Maybe one day this same sea will take me away
Escaping from this void
Finding you
And being together again...
But for now the only thing I can do is...
Look out at surface of the sea

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04-20-2006 Jessica P.

This is a great poem, it's always hard when we lose someone, and sometimes it takes a long time to get over, maybe you never get over it... Well written though great job!

04-04-2006 Richard Reed Jr

Escaping from this void
Finding you
And being together again...
But for now the only thing I can do is...
Look out at surface of the sea

This is a great close. I agree with everything that Roger said. This is powerful and vivid.
You seem to be at your best again.
You have no idea how happy that makes me.

~bows and tips hat~
~the shao-lin 'possum leader~

04-03-2006 Roger Crique

I must say, Leigh, that you have blossomed in my absence! This one is full of vivid and gripping imagery. I love your descriptions of the sea and how the blood reflects in the water. Very nicely done. Your first sentence is quite impressive. It prepares the reader for a good read. It is a very powerful sentence. It gave me a sense of the macabre. I am confused about some of your sentences, though. In the 4th line, you wrote, "I don't how," and in the 5th line, you wrote, "I don't when," which leads me to believe that you are missing the word, "know." I don't know if you did this on purpose. You have also improved your grammar and that's wonderful to see. All in all, I think this is a great poem. Though I'm confused about some of your lines, I think this poem deserves a four, because the imagery is so well established. Keep up the good work, my sweet friend!

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Looking Out by Leigh G. (Age: 14) copyright 04-01-2006 Age Rating: 7 to 127

Looking Out
by Leigh G. (Age: 14)
copyright 04-01-2006

Age Rating: 7 to 127