In Your Absence
by
Richard Reed Jr
copyright 05-02-2007
Age Rating: 7 to 127
Picture Credits:
Fading time, the joys of longing past moments
Last refrains remaining of good old days
Soon growing still in the quiet of the night
Lying stretched out in the darkness forever more
Feeling restless, distracted as a snowbound goose
Haphazardly drifting
From here
To there
Now, my life's in an unfamiliar forest
Like the murky, gray after-image of a dream
Where we lay in the soft blue-green grasses of love
I wait for a step
I've waited quietly this day, no step has fallen
Your journey has lasted long and in your absence
Life comes and goes
Each day comes
And goes
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you recommend or rate the work highly...
you clearly know how to describe abcense although my version would of been written differetnly but everyone has their own way of describing things and everyone has different feelings or opinions. Very well written and i love how it just flows of my tongue when i read it aloud (it has to be done, love reading aloud) keep it up
emy
There's a clear intelligence and design behind the format of both stanzas in my mind, and this format matches the mood and and tone as we read and prgress from the beginning of each stanza, to the end of each stanza. Each begins with beautiful, almost pentameter-length lines which describe the imagination, thoughts, and longings of the speaker, but then ends with a few, short, abrupt lines that convey the stark reality that we all must face: life just goes on. Can we all handle that?
I can remember back to when my grandfather passed away. A long time ago, that was. But your write reminded me of my grandmother's life after he had passed. It seemed like they had spent an eternity together and always were--together. Her life went on, of course, but there was always a haunting image of him in her presence, as though she was just waiting for her time to come. Sad, yes, perhaps. But it could be equally uplifting at the same time, to know that eventually all lovers will be reunited. Even if only in death. I could find no technical flaws so the piece was even more powerful for your careful writing and editing. A very good write!!
I love the way this lyrical-sounding poem just trails off and dwindles, the tone bittersweet with reluctant resignation. Sad, but the speaker accepts it for what it is.
I have a feeling I know who you are talking about, it really sucks to loose such a loyal friend, I wan to say more but I have a poem for you instead, I just haven't summited it yet, I will do it today okay, Great write, good job, thanks,
Dear Richard,
This poem touched my heart and brought a tear to my eye.Last July I lost the love of my life to a heart attack.He was only 23.
He left behind two children.
Your words are laced with a sadness that is familiar to me.
Days pass in a blur with no destination, I have no lights guiding me through this darkness. Time passing by without a passing glance. Soon today is tomorrow and time is dying before our eyes and we let it fade...
Very nice! You're getting better with the dark poems. They rhythm and flow was nice, and I liked the comparisons you made. Time is something that can speed by or drag on. It's all pending on who or what we're waiting for and if you're happy the way we are.
The last four lines would flow better if you put them like: Your journey has lasted long
In your absence life comes and goes
Each day comes
And goes
Before I can even see the sun rising and setting
The last line is optional, but it'd sound nice if you added it. You're grammar and spelling is improving too, have you been using the spell checker? :) Oh, and I also suggest you don't rename poems when you edit them. I noticed that you rename a lot of poems, and when you do so it's hard for readers to keep track. Keep up the good work!
May the divine darkness be with you,
Leigh of the Commenting Crusaders
Welcome !
