Crazy
by
Jack Curson
(Age: 32)
copyright 04-21-2006
Age Rating: 7 to 127
What is in my heart that leads to the evil in me?
Why do I scoff at myself?
Unselfish/selfish desires course though my veins.
Am I embattled?
Destined to drive a part of me crazy?
How can this life fill me with any pleasure?
Will my soul be lost in the dispute of existence?
Will pride strike my soul?
How can I survive filled with such doubt created within my own heart?
Can I ask the questions that fill the depth of me with overwhelming dread?
What is it that I long to hold but cannot grasp?
Struggling with thoughts that drive my core crazy,
Wanting to do so much...
Realizing, more than ever how inadequate I am.
Incompleteness with everything I do fills the depths of me.
Do you know how I feel?
Can you understand the sense of falling I have while standing upon two steady feet?
Grasping at the idea of calmness superficially I burn intensely within.
Will there be/is there a conclusion for my insufficiency?
What makes me think that each day, minute, second is something I can control?
Stopping for a minute, I will bring into this equation some strength in this inadequacy.
I can fulfill a great many things!
But in the end there will still be something missing.
And who do you suppose will fill this void of wholeness?
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YOU will fill the hole! You are alluding to all the big questions, primarily on an emotional level. Who am I? How do I fit in to the world around me? What gives my life meaning? I do know how you feel, and when there aren't living people to realte to, I turn to Joyce, Woolf, Faulkner, and Beckett and then understand that I must accept every aspect of myself at face value-- all of it! Holding on or avoiding a particular aspect of the self is delusional and painful. Be gentle with yourself, and realize we were never fragmented to begin with.
In terms of the poem itself, I'm not sure it fit into a verse pattern, conventional or otherwise. Maybe you could work it some more.
A writers writer, filled to the brim, with all that is needed to create. Leave message and face on the page, place and time.. a great writer and reporter, but you already know that.. Good write Walt
The answer's to these very, very deeply rooted concerns, lie only within you my friend.
They're something only you can search for yet, you must have Gods guiding hand to find the true answer. I wish you well, the theme and question's are mind twisting to any reader and causes the mind's wheels to spin. When you have the reader wondering, you have them captive. Good job. Rhyme and stanza form could use polishing, double check your punctuation also.