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You Naughty Kitty
by Tabitha Beaudin (Age: 30)
copyright 05-01-2006


Age Rating: 13 to 127

 
Muscles taunt, back arched. A soft hiss falls from you lips, as you watch a murder of crows fly by.

Springing into the air like a wingless bat, paws out, talons elevated, accepting the juicy substance of your prey. Whiskers twitch, you batter the bloody carcass taking a little bite. Primeval dance, head held high, tail sways. Tossing the squealing toy, then reaching into the air with white speckled paws. Pulling the quivering crow down to the blood-misted ground.

An offered gift at your mistress's feet.
And what is her reply?
No rewarding pat or saucer or milk.
Hey, what about your pie?
Just screams, piercing shrikes mixed with
a few, "you naughty kitties."

Ears down, symphony of sad meows echo behind. You slink back to the field. Where the mice wait, elation overwhelms you, as you dart all around. Mitts pushing you closer to those scattering mice. You'll catch your mistress a big mouse and then you will have a rewarding pat, a saucer of milk, maybe even some pie.


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01-26-2007 Mark Lawson    

Excellent work! I love the descriptive language used in this piece. The only things that I could find wrong with the piece were a few spelling errors. The first in line one you should be your. The second and one that was listed below is "kitties" when there is only one kitty referenced. Finally "shrikes" should be shreaks unless I am mistaken. However, despite these small things this is truly a wonderful work that takes us on a ride deep into the heart and mind of our little kitties. Thanks for the great read.

Mark
07-08-2006 BJ Niktabe    

I love the way this gets the adrenaline flowing. I also have two roommates of the feline persuasion! Luckily, mine are indoor cats, so I just get the mice of the stuffed variety.

I like how you mix the forms in this piece, too. This is a really fun read! And the phrases I like most are "...like a wingless bat..." and "symphony of sad meows..."

One thing...as Geoff pointed out, did you mean 'shrieks' when you said "shrikes"?

Thanks!

BJ
05-22-2006 James Shammas    

I love the playful yet sinister tone and subject of the poem, as well as the way you used two different forms in the same work. I enjoyed it much.

Jim
05-21-2006 Aryehl H.    

I couldn't help but smile at the end. It was so cute! I don't even like cats and yet I could not suppress my pity for the poor feline when it was not given praise where it clearly thought it was due. I sympathize with the poor creature and absolutely love your poem!
05-04-2006 Geoff Ewing    

Hurrah! Someone who knows the proper collective for crows. We are losing the art of venery from common speech and writing.

You clearly not only own cats but have observed them. I love your ability to consistantly present a point of view -- the cat's in this case.

Two small points in the middle section: 'shrieks' and 'kitty' (as only one is speaking in this poem). How like a cat to (a) realize that the bird didn't do the trick and (b) think that a mouse would. In my piece 'Cat notes' I talk about one of our cats who captured a present for my wife.

Keep up the good work.
Geoff Ewing
05-01-2006 Anthony Lane Stahlhut    

This does sound nice, but I have dogs and though they are much more dependant and a pain in the posterior, I love them as much! I did like this, Anthony
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