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Jeanette Broussard
Catalina Montecinos
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Final Release:
by Tabitha Beaudin (Age: 30)
copyright 04-27-2006


Age Rating: 13 to 127

 
Alice sits, head in her hands. Memories she holds explode. Her mind splits. Releasing her alter from it's rabbit's hole.

The memories progress, she see's water-tinted red, fingernails scraping across her skin. And each drop of blood brings her closer and closer to the queen of hearts.

Deep inside, salvation, another voice, so soothing, pacifying, "Alice let me out. Alice, I'll make it alright." So Alice relinquishes control.

Blood kisses every surface of her unbalanced mind. As she scratches at the remains of her past, only to be trapped, glued deeper into that rabbit's hole. Still Alice struggles for control.

Alice pulls herself off the ground. Gathers her courage and walks to the looking glass. She takes a rickety breath, peers at her refection smile and says, "Goodbye Alice."

And through the looking glass, trapped within the rabbit's hole, Alice sit's strung out. Reduced to a straight line, pulled closer to the malicious words, let me out! And an echo screams it's reply, "There's no way Iam giving up control."


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05-04-2006 Geoff Ewing    

Hi Tabitha,

Beautifully done.

Alice is an excellent means to get the reader quickly to the ideas you are expressing since we all, or nearly all, know her stories. At the same time it adds to our understanding of Alice.

There were a couple of things that jarred me as a reader which you might consider changing: stanza 2, 'sees' for 'see's'; stanza 3 'Alice, let' for 'Alice let'; stanza 6, 'sits' for 'sit's' and 'I am' for 'Iam'; stanza 4 'reflection's' or 'reflected' for 'refection'or perhaps you really meant the image of a refreshment by food; and in stanza 1 I was thrown off my stride by 'alter' until I made the assumtion this was 'alter ego' but realise that it might not.

In stanzas 1 and 4 you use phrases as sentences but that is a stylistic matter and doesn't really distract from the flow and impact.

Congratulations on this.
Geoff Ewing
04-27-2006 Regina Pate    

exactly, Great write, good job, thanks,

Gina
Visitor Reads: 307
Total Reads: 335
Comments: 2

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