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O'sweet Serenity
by Daniel R Patton (Age: 43)
copyright 04-24-2006


Age Rating: 16 to 127

 
O'sweet serenity,
That I've come to know,
Please, never leave me,
Never, please let go,

May your tranquility shine bright,
In even my dreams tonight,
As you hold me ever so close, ever so tight,
Setting my spirit free soaring in flight,

Letting me fly high'
far, far above heavens sky,
For if tis the ground I touch,
Then...surly...tis that I die,

O'sweet, sweet serenity,
Never, please let go,
Please, never leave me,
Lest, it be peace, never again I know.


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04-25-2006 Regina Pate    

Well, what goes up must come down, and nothing can change that, but as long as serinity stays with you then you will land smoothly, and whatever happens even in death she will be with you to endure, or something like that. Great write, good job, thanks for making me think

Gina
04-25-2006 David Pekrul    

Nice soothing poem, almost like a prayer.
A couple suggestions (only suggestions):
The line "Never, please let go," seems to be forced in order to rhyme. May I suggest using the words, "Never let me go".
Also the line, "Then...surly...tis that I die,"
maybe use "Then surely I will die."
Again with the apostophes..enough said..I know you'll get those under control eventually. lol



04-24-2006 Daniel R Patton    

Ah, wanna see if I can keep up with the big dogs like: Shakespeare, and his so famous "Sonnet XVIII" In regards to your challenge Rich ..."YUR-ON!"
I accept, but I'm certainly no Shakespeare, I can't even understand the guy! but I'll try.
Visitor Reads: 277
Total Reads: 297
Comments: 3

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