Standing
by
Leigh G.
(Age: 14)
copyright 04-21-2006
Age Rating: 7 to 127
Here I am
Looking out again
Watching the storm draw closer
The wind keeps blowing
No matter who passes through
I know that I've lost you
And looking is as futile as waiting for the rain to fall
In the middle of the summer
During a drought
Looking out, as another storm draws closer
I'm standing alone
Yet I feel no pain
I'm starting to think that, I'm more happy this way
Standing alone, my wings free
Knowing that I'll soon be free
Knowing that nobody is waiting to hold me down
I'm looking out
Watching this storm draw closer
Waiting for the winds to pick up
Blowing away those human fear
Waiting for the rain to fall
And wash away memories rhapsodized in pain
Waiting for the thunder to crash
And scare away the weak and small
Waiting for the lightening to cut through the sky
As if daggers were pouring down
Here I am, once again, standing alone
Last time, I felt like I was coming to an end
Not I'm smiling looking out
Waiting for the rain fall
Waiting for the wind blow
Waiting for the storm to come
And pass again...
Standing alone, and smiling
Glancing back knowing that I've got friends waiting for me
Knowing that soon enough, I will be free
And one only person who's going to hold me back, is me; by my own choices
As the rain starts to fall
A friend calls be back inside
Chattering about catching a cold and fixing bad grammar
Another eating sugary sweats getting herself hyper
Another tormenting ninja squirrels and smiling
Another hopping about chattering about her almost-boyfriend
Even if I think I'm standing alone
I always have my friends nearby
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It's about time I gave my comment to this poem. I like how you did this and the subject. No mechanical problems the ever-reliable Mehrina has not already covered, so that would be redundant and insulting to you. Speaking of which, you have improved on spelling and grammar immensely; it is a lot better now than it was when I first started reviewing your work. You did great with word choice and the allusions to your friends... it made me laugh reading them because what you said was true (even thugh the squirrels and I have made peace).
Overall, a pretty good poem about friends that stay by your side no matter what. Everyone can use those!
About time I read this, eh? Almost-boyfriend... the day dreams and night dreams keep getting sweeter and sweeter as I get more nervous and scared... but anyways, lol.
I simply adore the beginning. Well, I adore the whole poem, but I love the beginning.
"Rhapsodized in pain?!" WHEN DID YOU LEARN THAT WORD?! lol! Oy, my little Leigh, you've grown so much since your first posts here on PnP. I remember them quite well, for I helped you fix them!
The imagery here, breathtaking. Although I don't know what it looks like outside your window, I have this image of a girl standing at her open window, the angry winds of a storm blowing the curtains. The scenery outside is of a desert, dark clouds swelling above with lighting and distant thunder.
You have been astoundingly amazing lately. This was a bit sarcastic I thought, but sprinkled with humor. Argh, I didn't see me in your poem. ~sniffle~
~gets on bicycle~
~falls over and looks stupid~
~runs away~
Good job, others have already given you crits on grammar so fortunately for me, I don't have to.
AWW!! You mentioned me and my extreme sugar consumption! YAYAY!!!!!!! I liked this one a lot! Not only was III in it but Mehrina and Jordan were in it too!! YAYAYA!!!!!
But also I like the way you structured it. And I have to agree with Mehrina, this kind of poem fits you! And also, as Mehrina said, there were a few grammar (grammer, gremmar... How do you spell it? :p) things, but nothing too big.
Anyway, Great Job! I can't wait to read more by you!!
Your fellow Commenting Crusader,
~*|H|A|L|E|Y| |R.|
AWW!!!! I LOVE this poem! It's so adorable, in a dark sort of way. But it's not really dark, it's more of a sad type of humor. You know, I think these sort of poems fit you better! And I just LOVED the last few lines! But the last two lines really captured me! And though I have to say this, yes yes, I know, this isn't unexpected, but there were a lot of mistakes in the poem. For once, I'll actually point them out. But I'm not going to list them all, I'm just going to give an edited version of the poem.
Here I am
Looking out again
Watching the storm draw closer
The wind keeps blowing
No matter who passes through
I know that I've lost you
And looking for you is as futile as waiting for the rain to fall
In the middle of the summer
During a drought
Looking out, as another storm draws closer
I'm standing alone
Yet I feel no pain
I'm starting to think that I'm more happy this way
Standing alone, my wings free
Knowing that I'll soon be free
Knowing that nobody is waiting to hold me down
I look out
Watching this storm draw closer
Waiting for the winds to pick up
Blowing away those human fears
Waiting for the rain to fall
And wash away memories rhapsodized in pain
Waiting for the thunder to crash
To scare away the weak and small
Waiting for the lightening to cut through the sky
As if daggers were pouring down
Here I am, once again, standing alone
Last time, I felt like I was coming to an end
Now, I'm smiling looking out
Waiting for the rain to fall
Waiting for the wind to blow
Waiting for the storm to come
And pass again...
Standing alone, and smiling
Glancing back knowing that I've got friends waiting for me
Knowing that soon enough, I will be free
And only one person who's going to hold me back, is me; by my own choices
As the rain starts to fall
A friend calls be back inside
Chattering about catching a cold and fixing bad grammar
Another eating sugary sweets, getting herself hyper
Another tormenting ninja squirrels and smiling
Another driving me insane with all the flirting
Another hopping about chattering about her almost-boyfriend
Even if I think I'm standing alone
I always have my friends nearby
There, that's a totally fixed poem!
I really love this poem, and I also like the sort of half-rhymes that go throughout the poem. Flows really good, almost melodically. Great poem, Leigh, one your best!
Welcome !
