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Still Waiting
by
Alma H.
(Age: 15)
copyright 04-23-2006
 Contest Winner
Age Rating: 7 to 127
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I'm still waiting here,
waiting for you dear.
I've been seeking you,
and here is what I'll do.
I'll go and find love,
like what I've been finding of.
You should know that I
can't seem to find,
something like what you have.
You see me searching,
of the right something,
but you don't seem to help.
I can't seem to understand,
why you don't help, but you stare.
I try and try to be the best,
out of all the rest.
I'm still waiting to get to the top,
but it's so hard I wan to stop.
I'm afraid if I do,
I won't be good enough for you.
I'm still waiting for the one,
to come be my love,
but that only happens once
for a lifetime dunce.
I'm still waiting here,
waiting for you dear.
I've been seeking you,
and that's what I'll do.
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Comments on this Article/Poem:
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07-20-2006 Tammy Frascona
I will e-mail you about this one, but I wanted to comment and give you some points for this work. It's very nice and I totally understand where you're coming from.
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05-27-2006 Vicki G.
I like it! the rhmying was a little mismatched. I felt like you were kind of forcing it to rhyme. Other than that, great job! I liked the overall story.
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05-24-2006 Jessica P.
Good job, the stanzas were kind of un-even which made the flow kind of bounce around a bit, and at places the rhyming didn't match but other wise great job well done.
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04-27-2006 Kimberly Murphy
Well, I thought it was impressive. Great write. I hope I can get better at writing. Right now, I'm doing so well. lol Everyone else is alot better. Great write.
Kimberly Murphy
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04-25-2006 Anne-marie Hewlett
A few mistakes, but otherwise very good. It's hard to do song lyrics but when you do a song about love, it's very easy to do.
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04-23-2006 Leigh G.
Very nice! So glad to have you as a full-fledged author again! And comes back blazing with a new poem no less... This was a dark and meaningful piece, even though you need to remember, if this person doesn't like you for who you are, then he isn't the person for you. There's somebody out there for everybody and that person doesn't need to be acted around. You've got a few typos, like in the third paragraph, fifth sentence, you mean you not yo. Only little things like that, I also suggest that you capitalize the first letter of each line. Aside from those few flaws, this was a great piece! Keep writing, and welcome back!
May the divine darkness be with you,
Leigh of the Commenting Crusaders
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Total Reads: 466
Comments: 6
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