Her Wayward Heart
by
Daniel R Patton
(Age: 43)
copyright 04-24-2006
Age Rating: 16 to 127
She roamed from town to town,
Never, to long settling down,
Memories, would come creep in,
She'd start down that road again,
They say she suffered a broken heart,
That early in life it'd been torn apart,
That the love she'd come to know,
Tragically, to another life, had to go,
That, she couldn't let go, so she clung on,
Weeping nightly, into the early dawn,
Then came the bleak and eerie night,
When the pain, her fate would smite,
The clouds rolled in, so low,
And creeping ever so slow,
The night sky flickered a silent glow,
And the rains gave way their billow,
Yet, she lay upon her bed, so still,
In her, darken dwelling, with heart so ill,
An empty, wayward heart, no love could fill,
An empty, wayward heart, that no longer new no thrill,
Then harder the rain began to dance,
And faster the lightening began to prance,
Swifter and stronger the winds blew,
And the mansions shutters swung and flew,
Then down a might oak came crashing,
Atop the roof it gave a thrashing,
Now, upon a lovely maiden it lay resting,
Her heart, now united, in the everlasting,
They say, she had a smile upon her face,
For, beside her love, her wayward heart,
Now found its place.
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An Experiment Daniel! Holy Peanut Butter Batman, this should be on the front page of every major book store's catalog! *chuckles*
As Mr. Reed has stated, this tale is hauntingly tragic, yet again too close to home for me not to weep whilst reading it so, yet in the as one with a wayward heart, who can blame the beauty whom now slumbers beyond the stars with a smile upon her lips?
Sure an tis a beautiful story God Bless.
I loved the way you spun and weaved your words
together and such beautiful words they were.
A good haunting tale, tragic, but with a happy ending.
Great Job!
Just a teeny suggestion, I too think it would flow much better with better rhythm. See if you could add or subtract a word or phrase here and there or substitute a word that would make it flow better. Anyway, just a suggestion you are free to use it or lose it.
I like the story - but - I think the rhyming seems forced. The use of all the commas, to break up each line, is evidence of that.
Take your time and read through each line, do some editing and try to smooth it out. It will take time, but I think you can make this great.
Down by the river is a huge oak tree! A tree in a Brooke I thought, but oh well it is a good place to rest my head. On the nights it didn't rain, I walked, looked for my lover slain, but, I never found no rest or that mighty oak tree, I found the red river where they murdered my dear lover, but no, no tree, and the rain never came and the pain still remains, maybe now since I have made it out of the woods and made it to my Grandma's house, maybe now I will find some rest somehow, Rain, bring it, I'm ready, Mighty Oak, let's go, It's time to mate my fate, Yeah you did it I love my imagination ramped, Great write, good job, thanks,
oh wait change your might oak to mighty oak thanks
Regina
Welcome !
