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On Line
Jeanette Broussard
Eric Gasparich
2 Writers

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2 Members
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The Lie
by David Pekrul
copyright 04-25-2006


Age Rating: 10 to 127

  The Lie
Picture Credits: http://www.wahcenter.org/events/2002/paradiselost/A-Satan.jpg

I know this poem doesn't seem finished, so I will make a second version later on, but this was written for Deone's contest, and she had very strict rules, which I have tried to follow"

Their Father gave them paradise, but they still wanted more,
Now it is gone, and what is left, is nothing like before.

They saw the fruit upon the tree, and thought they saw it glow,
They ate of it and then they knew, that they were left with woe.

For Satan came just like a snake, and offered them a dream,
And though he looked so innocent, with evil he did gleam.

He said, “You will be like a god”, and that became his chant,
And then he cursed God’s holy throne, while acting so gallant.


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04-28-2006 Mary -BrytEyz- Ball    

Don't know if you can enter more than one poem in the same contest... but if you can... you should enter both versions. I loved this one, but the other one blew my hair back (so to speak of course). You are just so dang gifted, David!

Here's another five point!
04-27-2006 Kat Voletto    

Hmm... I don't know, Mary thinks this is a shoe-in for the win but I am still optimistic. I believe my poem is really good too... just different. I think it's going to have to be more along the lines of which poem she likes better... because the challenge of using all the words and doing so eloquently was met by all of us. So... this is going to be indeed a very interesting race. Good luck, and salut!

~Kat
04-26-2006 Mary -BrytEyz- Ball    

OOOhhh... You're gonna win! You make it seem so easy, read so smoothly... flow so wonderfully! And the message, well, what could compete with THAT? Nothing! :-) I just commented on one of Walter's poems about hell and satan's lie to Eve... and it was SO long of a comment, I just posted it under my own poems (my comment, not his poem of course). When it's approved you can read it. :-) And.. sigh... I'll just congratulate you now on your upcoming win on this one! LOL
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