Journeys Yet to Come
by
Haley R.
(Age: 14)
copyright 05-08-2006
Age Rating: 4 to 127
Looking back
At the roads previously walked,
And dreams becoming reality,
Seem to make make journeys before me look unwieldy.
The feeling of knowing
That what lies before me
Can lead me to more troubling adventures than the first
Give me the feeling that there will be no reward in the end.
And make me want to rewind time,
So there can be less choices,
Less problems,
And not as many fears.
Though even I know
That there is no way of fighting the future,
And no way of escaping the past.
For we cannot control what is around us.
Time comes and goes,
And there is no way of stopping it.
We can only sit and watch.
Waiting for the journeys yet to come.
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Hey great job there, I really liked it! Your poem is very true, and it's hard to deny it the way you put it, even for stubborn people, like me. Very nice though I liked the rhythm and flow of it!
Not a bad poem, dear Haley. I think we can all relate to the subject matter. No one knows the path they are destined to walk, and it can be upsetting to think about the fact we may be puppets on the marionette of the universe instead of firm masters of our lives. You did well with the word choice and arrangement, but there are a couple of grammar problems.
One thing I noticed was the insertion of needless commas and periods. Examples:
"Looking back,"
"The feeling of knowing,"
"That what lies before me,"
"And make me want to rewind time,"
"Though even I know,"
"And no way of escaping the past."
Another was that you said "less" when the correct word would have been "fewer". But other than that, you did a good job. Since I have had rigorous English classes in high school, I will be a stickler for grammar. You have improved though, so do not worry too much. Just keep writing!
Wonderful! Smiley wonderful! We're chatting now, but I can't not comment, right? :) You get to me my 901th comment! I really loved the flow of this poem, and the descriptions. This reminds me of this one little poem I once read, it was something like,
No doubts
No fears
No looking back
Nothing can stop us
I don't really remember. I really liked it though. Even though some of the things you pointed out in this poem are very true, and words that will stick with me. Kinda reminds me of Crossing Roads the song I wrote, submitted, and flopped. Even though, I like how all your poems mention the passage of time. Even though, we can control one thing about time: what we do as it passes. We want to hold time, not just let it run by us without a second glance. We need to always stand tall for the future, and never forget our pasts. We can learned a lot from our pasts, and if we don't try to hide them away, we don't have to worry about the day when they shall come alive. I'd say more, but I don't want to make the page too big! And we're chatting so... Anyhow, I couldn't find any flaws, and I really loved this poem! And I'm honored with first comment and hit! Great work, keep writing!!!
HEy everyone! Sorry that I haven't submitted in a while! But I'm using this as a work for a poetry project, so if you have anything you want to say, please tell me.
Welcome !
