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Blown Away
by
Jane L.
(Age: 14)
copyright 05-14-2006
Age Rating: 10 to 127
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Picture Credits: http://naver.com
I,
Love you....
Where are you?
The cold winter wind blows against my body.
It's just too hard.
I can't go on...
The snow dances around me.
I can't stop...
Will I ever see you again?
It's too cold...
And I'm tired.
But if I close my eyes, will I ever open them again?
I,
Need you...
I trip in the heavy snow.
The snow feels so welcoming and warm.
It soaks up the red blood.
I'm here lying...
Waiting for you to come for me.
I want you to be at my side right now.
It's getting so hard to breathe.
The coldness makes me so dizzy...
The tears suddenly come out.
I want to see you one last time...
Just before I close my eyes,
For the last time,
I see you coming.
But I know it's too late...
You hold my cold hand with yours.
Please don't cry.
I don't want my last memory of you like that.
You'll remember me right?
Taking all the strength I have left,
I smile so you won't cry anymore.
But suddenly the cold wind blows you away,
And you're gone...
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Comments on this Article/Poem:
Click on the commenter's name to see their Author's Page
05-07-2007 Leigh G.
Arg, I commented on this before! Oddly, I was about to start this comment with, "I'm totally speechless!" Deja vu, no? Anyway, this is still a great poem in my eyes! I really love the bit with the last memories, and the last four lines. Beautiful piece as ever! Hmm, in my mission to read all your poems I must be careful about not re-commenting without realizing it... Anyway, great work! ...Yeah, I kinda re-commented to say that I'm still speechless upon rereading this. :D
Leigh of the Commenting Community
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10-25-2006 Tasha W.
I loved this poem, at school we are studying different poems and to tell ya, I want to study yours lol! Great poem ^^
Your new friend
Tasha ^.^
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07-19-2006 Kimberly Murphy
Aww. That's sad. However, it's also beautiful!! Excellent write!!!!!
Kim
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06-27-2006 Richard Reed Jr
A very beautiful poem. Very clever to have the wind blow him away is a good metaphor and says it all. This was extremely well-written with a smooth style. I love your style. It's really awesome. I will read more of your pieces.
Thank you for sharing this.
All the best,
Rich
P.S. I wrote some Japanese style poetry on my site in a book called "The Fragrance of Red". You might be interested. I might give your poem the title "Blown Away".
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06-19-2006 Leigh G.
I'm utterly speechless! Even though I can't be speechless...for I am a Commenting Crusaders! :D This is such a wonderful poem, so dark and emotional... I can really tell you put a lot of work and effort into this piece. Sorry for not getting the time to read your other poems like I said I would, and will, my parents got on a very overprotective kick with the Internet and monitored all of my time so... Well, I'm not going to be on as much as I was, but I'm back! Like I said, I could really tell you put a lot of work into this poem, and that it came from your heart. I'm glad you entered this, even though it isn't exactly about what i was shooting for...it's a lot better. :) Great work, once I get some time on line I'll be sure to read more! I can really relate to the emotions you're describing here, and that made it even better.Thanks for entering my contest! Keep writing! Oh, and I can't find any spelling or grammar flaws. :)
Your friend,
Leigh of the Commenting Crusaders!
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05-20-2006 Euna P.
This is really a sad poem. Seeing a hallucination of your loved one before you die...
The way you wrote it was very inspiering too. You never really finished any of your statements, prefering to end then vaugely. I love it! ^.^ Write some more!
Euna of the Commenting Crusaders
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05-14-2006 Alma H.
That was really good. I should read more of your stuff. The only thing I'm trying to figure out is how you started bleeding and what made you die. Other than that, this was a very good, sad, poem. I love romance poems or books. I'm out.
Alma H.
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05-14-2006 Jane L.
I really didn't know what to put as the title and how to end it... If you have suggestions please tell me
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