Cast Me Away
by
Mehrina B.
(Age: 13)
copyright 05-16-2006 Contest Winner
Age Rating: 7 to 127
What did I do wrong?
What did I say?
To make you hate me so?
To cast me away?
I had a bad time too
I got laughed at all day
And now you, my best friend
Are casting me away
I endure torments
Laughs and jeers
Knowing I have you
To give me a cheer
So as long as you're around
I can laugh off any woe
But now you turn away
You're no longer there anymore
What did I do?
I keep asking you
But you don't even reply
Inside, I want to cry
My throat tightens, as does my stare
I no longer see a smile or glare
My heart feels lone and ultimately down
And you're no longer there to wipe off my frown
I cry out, "I'm sorry!" It's all I can say
After such a torturous, hell-bound day
But my desperate pleas fall on deaf ears
Every other minute increases my fears
I can't stand the loneliness
The growing fright
That you'll never talk to me again
In a never-ending fight
Best Friend, I never meant
To hurt you in any way
I'm sorry, I really am
It's all I can say
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you recommend or rate the work highly...
Wow Meh- a rhyming poem! I knew that you could rhyme. Heh... now my callenge is to write a non rhyming poem- that's impossible for me! Great poem. It's one that I can relate to you. A friend like that is not a friend- your too good for her. Keep on writing great rhyming poems!
This is a very good poem. I loved your rhymes, and the whole flow of the poem. This is a sad topic, and I know ((...i think)) sort of what you are feeling. Great write!
Congrats, Meh. You've won third place in my contest, So Much Left Unspoken. I can't really relate to this though, in my case I betrayed my best friend. And he just opened chat...you know who I'm talking about. Great work, keep writing.
Wow.. Meh! It was beautiful! I love it! It makes me really think and I love the first stanza it's such a wonderfully painful poem! Your poem's emotion is really clear and I love to words you've chosen! Keep up the awesome work!
Amelia Z.
A.k.a to you
Aphrodite
Wow! Mehrina, I like this one especially a lot! I like how you bring back the last line of the first stanza throughout the poem; I think it helps it become more dramatic *strikes valiant pose*!! Also, I think that it shows that everyone needs a friend to stand on no matter what. I also like how this poem kind of changes moods, in a way. In the beginning it was kind of questioning why the imfamous "I" about why that person was cast away, then, toward the end, it was more about saying that "I" was sorry. Also, I like how the rhyme scheme constantly changes throughout the poem. And also, (yes, I know, there are a lot of also's,), I like the last line. "Yet you still cast me away" seems to sum up the entire poem.
I wish I had come sooner. Everyone has said everything for me already. Your poem deserved to be a winner for its content, as well as for it's literary form and style. It is truly awesome!
You are one of my role models out here-not much of a compliment, but........................
I also am only and E-mail away, and I consider us as good friends.
I know everything as of a day or so ago is fine, and everything is fine and dandy and fine. What a nice word... fine... ->insert Foamy laugh<- Now onto the poem!
The rhyming was very nice! Didn't sound forced at all, and did portray your fears of losing your friend. Friendship is a very funny thing. And it seems you and I are going through the same things. Gotta love that common factor, eh? Anyway, back to the poem, lol. I think your best stanza's were the longer ones, because there's more flow, more rhythm to it. Your rhyming style also changes for those 2 stanzas. That's my only critique- the rhyming and length of the stanzas.
If she cast you aside, and turned on you, she isn't you best friend. Try talking to her in person, and then decide whether she's worthy as a friend. You're a great person, always fun and cheerful. Everybody will annoy their friends at some point, but if it's a true friendship, it'll be overcome. If not, then this person isn't a good friend,and somebody you can trust and depend on. And remember, you've always got your friend son PnP sticking around. We're only an e-mail away. So, now that I've said that, now I'll talk about the poem itself. Firstly, I'm honored to be your first comment and hit! The poem is wonderful, and flows like a river. I can't rind any typos, then again this is my favorite grammar freak. :) Did you know that I always correct people when I see a flaw now? This was a great poem, and I hope what I had to said will help. Great work, keep writing.
Welcome !
Contest Winner
