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Mermaid Waters
by Elisabeth H.
copyright 05-18-2006


Age Rating: 10 to 127

  Mermaid Waters
Picture Credits:

"Papa...wake up, Papa."
"What is it, son?"
"I can't get to sleep. Will you tell me another of your famous stories? Please, please, please! I want to hear the one about that mermaid you saw before."
"All right, all right. Calm down, you've persuaded me, but this is the last one for tonight. You tire out your old fisherman of a father: The cerulean sea glittered under the brilliant intensity of the sun. I came a long distance to reach the deserted island I had discovered. The atmosphere here seemed almost holy and feeling obligated, for a moment I bowed my head to the heavens in silent reverence. Exploring the sandy, white beach, I noticed small, unique seashells popping up here and there. I strolled along the coast, foamy waves whipping gently at my ankles. Then a sudden gust of wind caught me off balance and I fell before a woman of astounding beauty. Unlike a human, in place of two legs there was the tail of a fish, yet the scales glistened like thousands of precious gems. Her long, rich hair imitated the radiant glow of the suns and she sat lounging upon a flat boulder, a cheek resting in one hand as she gazed up at the sky, bewildered at the squawking seagulls soaring overhead. She was unaware of me and as I crept closer, I realized she was naked from the waist up, her wild hair barely concealing the fullness of her breasts. Foolishly I called to her and being frightened of humans, she dove back into the sea." His son snored noisily.
"Good night, Fabrizio." Lightly he kissed his son's forehead, pulled up the covers, and turned over to lay at his side. Then they both drifted off into the dreams fishermen dream.

~7 years later~

"Rise and shine, Fabrizio!"
"Huh?"
"Wake up and get dressed. I'm making breakfast. After we eat some good food, we'll be energized for our scavenger hunt together."
"Scavenger hunt, for what?"
"Well, mermaids, of course. Didn't you tell me one time that you wanted to see one for yourself?" It had been seven years since Fabrizio, a young, arrogant, Italian boy had not been old enough to go on adventures out at sea with his father. He had told him as a child that he was too young for any dangers they might have faced out at sea and since he had just turned fifteen, he was at a mature, reasonable age."Father, I'm a little too old to believe in your fish tales now. How do I know you didn't become drunk while you were gone. You could've imagined all of that stuff you told me."
"Son, haven't I taught you at all? You must believe in something with all your heart before you can see it with your own eyes. You must have faith in me. Don't you believe in your father?"
"I'm sorry but I'll only believe what you've told me if I see it with my own eyes."

"Fabrizio, will you help me load all these fishing supplies onto the boat? I'd like to get a nice catch of trout as well. Our time is limited and we need to head towards home before dusk falls. You can never be too sure about storms out at sea." Fabrizio and his father lived in a colorful, two-story house beside an old, wooden dock off the coast of Venice, Italy.
"Father, here are the fishing nets."
"Okay, Fabrizio would you also untie the rope holding us to the dock? Then we'll set sail."
"Aye, aye, captain!" Fabrizio teased. And even though the day seemed full of hope, the two had no idea of the huge storm slowly heading their way.

"Anything biting, son?"
"No, not a thing," Fabrizio replied impatiently. "We've been waiting in this spot for hours. Can't we steer a little further?"
"Son, a good fisherman has patience. Besides these waters are filled with mermaids who bring good fortune."
"There you go again," complained Fabrizio.
"Well I'm just telling you that if we wait a bit longer, one of them will throw rainbow trout up to the boat, the amount depending on how much she thinks we deserve."
"If you say so." Suddenly they both heard a thunk on the side of the hull. "What was that?!" Fabrizio shouted in alarm.
"Shh!" ordered his father. "Look!" He pointed to the stern. A lovely, mysterious maiden with big, bright eyes a pale sea green stared in wonder at the two. Her hair was as black as the night and as thick and dangerous as the ocean. Her skin was a creamy white and as she smiled at the strangers, her face lit up with color. She easily lifted her excellent tail out from under the water and let gravity pull it back down again creating a fantastic wave. The salty sea water overflowed into the small boat and filled with trout of many different colors. Fabrizio and his father couldn't believe what they had seen. The mermaid giggled and with the flick of her tail, leaped back into the sea. Suddenly, out from nowhere, a giant storm hit. Heavy waves crashed against the boat and the skies roared with earsplitting thunder. The winds had blown them off course and they couldn't see any sign of land. The same mysterious maiden had returned and guided them safely out of the storm back to their home. Fabrizio's father had been knocked unconscious and had swallowed too much sea water. Fabrizio sat by his fathers side. "Papa, wake up! Are you going to be all right?"
"...Fabrizio, I love you my son. No matter what you believe, I will always be with you..."
"Why are you saying this? You're going to be okay, aren't you?" His father constantly coughed from the chill of the air and spurted up water.
"Fabrizio."
"Father, you can't leave me alone, I need you!" The boy began to cry and he buried his face into his hands, tears streaming down his face. The mermaid sat close beside him. With a most mesmerizing voice she softly mimicked,"Fabrizio, I love you." He slowly looked up at her with a red, tear stained face. She raised a long, pointed finger to support his chin and kissed his lips tenderly. A moment passed and then she drew back. She continued. "Wait for me and someday I'll return to you, I promise." Fabrizio tried to speak but not a word came; his throat was hoarse from holding back tears of grief. He could only stare back at her, everything seemed blurred and fainted as his only true love slipped out of his grasp.

The early morning darkness hung in the air. A strange storm had passed hours earlier. Things were calm again as far off palm trees danced lightly in the wind. A tan, young man with strong, slim features strutted along the beach, raggedy, brown hair annoyingly tossed in his face. His eyes were stern, dark, and wanting as he scanned the surface of the water, always searching for something or someone that was just never there. The sun was about to show its head and the young man traveled further up the shore collecting seashells. Then light filled the whole sky. Plop...plip...plop.Each seashell, one by one, fell to the ground from his slightly opened palm. There before him lay a gorgeous woman in the sand. It seemed to him that she was badly injured and he guessed she had been brought here by the storm. Most of her clothes had been torn off by the force of the wind and her hair was long, thick, and dangerous. Her face was young and sweet and her body was strong and fully developed. "Miss, can you hear me?" the young man asked a little above a whisper. He pulled her dark hair back to look into her face. "You seem so familiar, but I guess I've never met you before. I better take you to my home so you can rest up. I can't just leave you here for everyone to see." Hurriedly, he slipped off his shirt to conceal her nakedness. As he gently lifted her up into his arms he could hardly believe she was almost as light as a feather.

The simple house next to the dock seemed cozy and welcoming. Gray smoke filtered slowly out of the chimney and there were four windows on each wall. The dark haired woman lay in a one man bed with a fluffy, white pillow under her head and a handmade quilt lay snuggly upon her. Her wounds were cleaned and dressed and she slept peacefully in an upstairs room. A tantalizing smell filled the air as it drifted out from the kitchen; the young man was cooking downstairs. All of a sudden there was a shrill scream. The man raced upstairs to find out what the trouble was. The dark haired woman stood before him with only the bandages hiding portions of her flesh. His face became bright red. "Oh, I'm so sorry!" he shouted in embarrassment and then quickly turned away.
"What happened to my clothes?! You must've taken them, give them back!!"
"I had to remove them to clean all the cuts and gashes you had on your body. I didn't mean anything disrespectful by it." She looked down at the many bandages that were wrapped around her neck, arms, legs, and waist. Blood rushed to her head from the sudden movement of standing up and she could no longer support her own weight. "It's okay, I got ya." The young man blocked her fall and pulled her into his arms. The mysterious woman gazed into his eyes. "You remind me of someone..." She sought an answer more than she spoke aloud. The mans eyes were warm and comforting.
"May I ask you what your name is?" The woman thought for a moment and then answered.
"It's funny, I can't quite remember it. Actually, I can't really remember anything of my past."
"Oh...well, if you'd like to know, my name is Fabrizio. I live here in Venice. Would you like something to eat? I have a robe there in the closet you can wrap yourself in. Tomorrow morning I'll go buy you some new clothes."
"Won't you take me with you? I don't like to be left alone."
"Well, you'll have to wear some of my clothes then." Fabrizio chuckled.
"I don't mind," she replied. "Okay, now come downstairs and have something to eat with me."

"Do you like it?" Fabrizio asked.
"Hmmm...Yeah, it's really good!" the woman replied.
"Okay, well don't worry about me. I'll sleep in the hammock outside. Fresh air will do me good anyway. You can sleep in my bed for the time being."
"Fabrizio?"
"Yeah?"
"Thank you for caring so much for me and yet you barely know who I am."
"Well, I wouldn't be such a nice Italian boy, would I?" he teased. "Good night...uh, what would you like me to call you?"
"Why don't you choose for me?" she questioned.
"All right. You shall now be known as Catriona, a maiden in love with the sea."
"I love it!" she was pleased.

"Fabrizio, wake up!" An excited voice called in the morning silence. Fabrizio was still snoring while he laid buried face down in the still hammock. He rolled over to face Catriona and opened his eyes. He saw that she was wearing one of his white tee-shirts as well as some long, baggy, blue jeans she had to hold up with one of his belts. "Good morning," he said. "I see you waste no time. Let me just freshen up and we'll be off."
"Okay, I'll be out here on this net thingy." While she patiently waited, a smiling, young woman glided across the near dock, as she gradually came toward her. She had an angelic charm and her hair was light blonde, almost white even. Her eyes were light brown and they showed a hint of compassion. Her face was cheerful and rosy and she seemed like a person with a good sense of humor. "Hello there," she said. "I'm Melony. Are you a friend of Fabrizio's?"
"Yes, I'm Catriona. It's nice to meet you."
"You have beautiful hair," Melony admired.
"Thanks," Catriona replied.
"Do you know where I might find Fabrizio?" the girl asked. "I need to speak with him."
"Oh, he's inside getting ready. I'm new to this place and he was going to take me shopping for some new clothes."
"Yes, he is a really sweet guy, isn't he?" For a second her eyes had a worried look in them, for her feelings could be read easily. "I'm very sorry for bothering you. I'll come back later." And the young woman that was once smiling before, now ran off crying out of sight.

Ring-a-ling! The little bell on the door made of brass rang as it was pulled open by Fabrizio. He held the door for Catriona and then stepped inside himself. The small shop was bright and simple. Many windows were drawn open to let some fresh air and sunlight in. The floors were neatly washed and four shrub trees stood in each of the four corners. The walls were painted bright yellow and metal racks of clothing were scattered around a wooden, oak table in the center where a little woman stood, the manager and cashier. "Good morning, Madame Neva!" Fabrizio greeted. "Whenever I step into your shop, it feels like I've entered heaven."
"You're such a kind boy," the woman replied. "Who's this pretty, young woman you've brought with you and what is she wearing?!!"
"It's a long story. Could you help Catriona find some new clothes she would like?"
"Catriona, oh, what a magnificent name you have. Of course I'll help you find something. Come here, child. I'll show you some of my latest designs. Fabrizio was about to walk out the door.
"I'll just wait outside. Call me in if you need me for anything." Catriona fit into a dark blue, peasant blouse and a long, slitted skirt to match. "Would you like some shoes to match that?" Madame Neva asked.
"No thank you," Catriona replied. "I don't care for shoes much." Madame Neva gave a confused look but she said nothing more.
"Fabrizio, you can come in now!" Madame Neva called out the window.
"How do I look?" Catriona asked. Fabrizio was speechless.
All he could say was,"Wow..." There was an awkward silence. Madame Neva broke in.
"She won't have to wear your clothes anymore, eh, Fabrizio? His face turned red.
"Uh, I feel a little warm. I should go back outside."
"Wait for me, Fabrizio!" Catriona called.
"Don't worry about the bill," Madame Neva reassured. "I'll take care of it."

"Hey, beautiful! Can I show you something?" Fabrizio asked Catriona. They walked through a grassy field of clovers, a spring of water trailed down to empty into the sea. A tall, strong tree stood here and an old tire swing hung from its branches. Fabrizio helped situate Catriona onto the tire as he spun her round and round, both of them laughing all the while. Then the smiling girl came into Catriona's mind. She stopped laughing. "What is it?" Fabrizio asked.
"Do you know someone named Melony?" she asked.
"Of course I do. She's a really good friend of mine."
"Do you love her?" "Yes, but not in the way you're thinking." Then Fabrizio looked serious. "I have something to give you." He held out a delicate, opal shell necklace in his hand. It seemed to be made out of very fine material. "You'll never believe me when I tell you this but when I was fifteen years old, I met a mermaid who kind of reminds me of you and we both seemed to be about the same age. She helped my father and I out of a big storm we headed into while out at sea. Unfortunately my father died then and there, the only person I was ever really close to since my mother passed away when she had given birth to me. I cried a lot that night, probably the most I've ever cried in my entire life, but the mysterious mermaid sat beside me the whole time and strangely she comforted me. I swore to myself that I would always wait for her because she had promised me she would return to me someday, however, that day hasn't come yet...and I can't go on waiting forever. Besides, these days with you made me realize what I want the most." And he slipped the necklace over her head and pulled back her hair to softly caress her face. Tears began to roll slowly down as she cried softly, for he was the one person who truly ever cared for her.

Fabrizio woke from a nightmare. He couldn't hide the fact that he had strong feelings for Catriona but he had to keep waiting for the young mermaid he had met long ago. "Why am I so stupid?" he thought to himself. "I could never break Catriona's heart and what if the maiden from the sea never comes? Am I just living in my own fantasy world? Catriona means absolutely everything to me." Fabrizio decided to get a glass of cold water in the kitchen. As he stepped inside the small house, he noticed water was running from the upstairs bathroom. "Catriona, is that you?" he called. There came no answer. Slowly he walked up the rickety, old stairs and down the hallway to the bathroom at the end. He knocked on the door. No answer. He reached up to grab the doorknob and cautiously turned. "Catriona, are you in there?" Fabrizio's eyes met an extraordinary, gem-like fish tail lying over the side of the tub. Catriona's bright,sea green eyes looked up at him. He rushed to her, lifted her out of the water and all the love he had for her was revealed as he strongly pressed his lips against hers. "I remember everything now," Catriona explained as she started to weep. "I'm sorry for making you wait all these years." Fabrizio softly wiped her tears away and said," I'd wait for you forever."

This story is dedicated to a very special boy in my life and also to my best buddy and younger sister, Katherine who inspired me with her love for the sea. Also, I'd like to thank the two out of the many best friends I have, Briana and Christine for helping me choose the title.


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12-16-2007 Lauren T.    

Cute. I loved the opening.
The main character's name sounds like that one spray thing. xD
Nice job, I love reading cute little stories like this. I don't think I found any problems that Sam didn't find. xD


06-09-2006 Sam Hackel-Butt    

Hi Elisabeth!
I said I'd read your story, and here I am. I am going to point out every small thing, because that's how I work :p So prepare yourself!

Now, when someone speaks, you should start a new line. For example:

"Papa...wake up, Papa." "What is it, son?" "I can't get to sleep. Will you tell me another of your famous stories? Please, please, please! I want to hear the one about that mermaid you saw before."

Can be come this:

"Papa...wake up, Papa."
"What is it, son?"
"I can't get to sleep. Will you tell me another of your famous stories? Please, please, please! I want to hear the one about that mermaid you saw before."

Whenever someone new speaks, you start a new line.

'It had been seven years since Fabrizio, a young, arrogant, Italian boy had not been old enough to go on adventures out at sea with his father.'
This sentence is a bit awkward.

'He had told him as a child that he was too young for any dangers they might have faced out at sea and since he had just turned fifteen, he was at a mature, reasonable age.'

I think you've got the verb conjugation a bit confused. Just 'they might face' shall be fine.

I'm getting the time periods confused. In the first paragraph, I take it the kid is younger. And in the second paragraph, he's older, therefore doesn't believe in the tale? You need to tell the reader this.

Your transition into the storm was a bit too fast. Maybe give it more time. Mention the waves getting stronger, clouds, rain, etc... don't forget about strong winds.

You're saying the mermaid returned them home, yet she sits next to him as the father dies? I think, give some more info on the mermaid. Her actions, especially, because she's a new character. I think, by mimicking Fabrizio, she's quite playful. Play on that.

Fabrizio loves the mermaid? It was his only true love? How'd that happen?

Avoid multiple ! marks. One will do.

Unfortunately, I need to go. I shall finish later.




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