Sadness
by
Angela Toshner
(Age: 18)
copyright 05-31-2006
Age Rating: 10 to 127
Sadness is not sun gleaming
through the clouds.
It is not a child laughing
at the behavior of a clown.
It is not someone singing
like an angle from above.
Sadness is the death of a friend
to an unbearable diesease.
It is a homeless child
without food and warmth.
It is and icebox of unwanted and forgotten memories
melting.
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oh Angela I'm so sorry and I know I can't help but I love the last line of your poem it definitly ties it together good and says exactly what you mean. I like it and always keep your head up girl.
Sadness is the pure innocent heart of
my Angela T
which remains in broken pieces
Even the broken pieces are sad
They are never swept
and cannot move on by themselves
I would mend your heart if I could
As promised. This the first of your works I've looked at.
I, like Jessica before me, could only spot three spelling errors:
'like an angle',
'diesease',
'is and icebox'.
I like the parallelism of 3 things sadness is not and then 3 that it is.
And the 3 which are are much stronger images.
I have a problem with the logic of 'forgotten memories'. The last line of this poem is very interesting and very much more powerful than the two preceeding ones. I can see the icebox of unwanted memories [frozen and not going away] as one part of sadness and I can see
[wanted] memories melting as being part of sadness. But what of forgotten memories?
Partially forgotten? Fading?
I like what you have tried to do with this line, but I don't think it is entirely successful.
I have no suggestions about this, I merely note that it is a bit unclear to me.
At the moment, I sense this needs more work.
Respectfully
Geoff Ewing
Good job you described sadness very well, and yes it's sad (hence the word) but it's life and sometimes you just have to deal with it. There's not reslly much you can do except for not to live in the past or dwell on what happened.
I found three errors which are spelling errors but other than that great job!
Welcome !
