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Odd, I could of sworn I read this! I must not of, for I didn't comment. Anyway, this is a great poem! Sacrifice of all kinds is the as you said, the ultimate showing of love. Your descriptions and choice of words is as top notch as ever, and I'm glad to read. My only pick: I wish you'd capitalize the first word of each line...check out my new story, "Why I'm A Capitalization Freak" to learn why. I know what you're thinking, "At long last, this whiny critic is saying WHY she whines about caps? Huzzah!" I'm finally catching up on my commenting, and plan on reading all the poems you've submitted since my last crazy commenting spree! Back on topic, I'm glad to be reading your work again...you've really got a talent with the way you tell a story in your poems! I've written a few poems about sacrifice, but none on my religion since I don't want to irritate non-Christians... Great work, keep writing!
T.T For God so loved the world that he sent his one and only son to die on the cross for us...
Anyway BEAUTIFUL Poem! I can't find anything wrong! >w< I wish I a strong heart like Jesus...
It amazes me that at your age you are able to write such beautiful and passionate things. I have been writing since I was your age and like to think I'm pretty good but your are awesome girl. Don't worry your spelling will improve and so will your word usage but that's what we are all here for. To help you get better and for the older crew to stay good.
This is powerful stuff, for it shows just how much God loves His creation, for He sent His Son to die, but not only die, but to conquer Hell and death, to bring us eternal life.
You have written a very powerful and emotionally packed poem, at least for those who believe that Jesus is who He said He was; God in the flesh, the final sacrifice given for all mankind to simply accept His gift of salvation.
I love the lines, "suffering the price of billions for each individual one"
A couple things that need fixing:
"a sponge of vinigar (should be 'vinegar') to quench thirst"
"fire eating away everlasing (should be 'everlasting') souls"
This deserves the five points, but please fix the errors.
Welcome !
