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Picture Credits: http://www.art-arena.com/Abandoned.html
It was December of 1986 on a normal school night and I went to bed as usual. I couldn't get to sleep. It started out as tossing and turning and irritability. Then my arms became numb, my throat was closing up and I couldn’t breathe. I thought I was having a heart attack. I knew I was scared out of my mind, I could actually feel the fear seething throughout my veins with such pressure, as if it was about to spew from my body, but I couldn’t find a single reason why.
Hours went by. I had to have the lights on or I would die (that's what I felt and told myself). If I turned the lights off the fear worsened and breathing became almost impossible. If I didn’t keep my eyes open, I would die. I couldn’t wake my parents – I didn’t want them to think I was crazy. I couldn’t call anyone – no one would understand because whatever was happening to me was unexplainable anyway. I wasn’t dead yet, so after suffering in fear for about three hours, and literally staring at the walls in my room with the lights on, I knew it couldn’t be a heart attack. But what was it?
All I could think about was that I had to get up at 6:30. I couldn’t stay home the next day, because I couldn’t tell anyone what happened. I watched the clock…2:00….3:00….4:00…..okay, I accepted the fact that I wouldn’t sleep. I remember thinking, "God just please keep me alive….just a little longer until the sun rises, then I’ll be okay….breathe, breathe, breathe…."
My heart continued to pound. It felt like it was going to pop right out of my chest. My hands were so numb I couldn’t feel my fingers. Lying down was not an option. I got up and down constantly to drink water. Then I had to get up and down just to get up and down because I couldn’t lie down or I would die. I couldn’t even cry if I wanted to. I had not an ounce of energy nor could I get enough air in to let out even a scream. I was still scared out of my mind. I was scared to death of the fear itself because there was nothing else to be scared of.
Morning came. I showered and went to school. I can’t remember when "it" went away, but "it" finally did around morning, sometime. I wondered what it was and why it happened, but, I decided to ignore it….maybe I imagined it…
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