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Little Red Riding Hood skipped down the path as her mind was filled with thoughts of sharing tea and cookies with her beloved grandmother. Some homemade biscuits and chocolate chip cookies were tucked securely into the basket that was swinging by her side. The red cloak tucked about her kept off the sun and biting insects. Her grandmother's little house was perched dantily on the top of a hill, a hill covered with flowers and their scent perfumed the air on this warm summer day. She skipped up to her grandma's door, and found the door surprisingly unlocked. Little Red Riding Hood opened the door, and called out a greeting, that was not answered. A little worried, she went to her grandmother's room, and found a wolf with dripping, bloody fangs right behind the door. Little Red Riding Hood screamed, dropped the basket, and ran for her life. Unfortunatly, she couldn't make it, and the wolf gobbled her up, piece by piece, bloody hunks by bloody hunks. However, when Little Red Riding Hood screamed, she had attracted the attention of a mad axman working nearby. Every inch the gallant hero, he heeded the call for help. The wolf had a bloody fight with the mad axman, but won anyways, and feasted on his opponent's flesh. Then he slunk out of the house, leaving three skeletons that were being picked clean by the flies.
***
As the wolf was traveling down the road some days later, he heard someone coming, and hid behind a bush. The three little pigs were going to the market for the day. The first piggie needed fresh straw for his house. The straw around the front door was rotting, and he needed some for the roof too. The rain had left a million leaks in the already sparse spacing. The second piggie wondered if there were any spare sticks that the people at the market would know about. Alot of the house around the fireplace had been used as fire wood, and the night's chill was pouring in through the gaps. The third piggie needed some fresh cement, because some of the bricks were coming loose, although he would only need a couple ounces and a few minutes to fix that one. The rest of his house was totally snug and secure. He was in his limelight as he lectured his brothers about houses made out of straw and sticks. The wolf licked his chops, and lunged as they came out on the road in front of him, snarling and showing twin mountain ranges of teeth. There was no chance of escape, and three more skeletons being picked clean by flies were added to the list.
***
Several days after the three little pigs' deadly fate, Hansel and his dear little sister Gretel were wandering lost in the woods. Gretel was crying, because she needed to be in bed, but home was nowhere near. Hansel was doing his best to confort her, but being a boy, wasn't really suceeding. Suddenly, out of a bush, the Gingerbread Man comes running towards them, and, being the hungry little children that they were, Hansel and Gretel proceeded to chase him. The Gingerbread Man had been running from the old couple, the farmers, and the fox for a while, and he was extremely tired. As a result, Hansel and Gretel were able to catch him. Hansel and Gretel bit off the head first, to keep him from escaping, and it worked. They shared the delicious cookie as they continued wandering. They were down to the last leg when they saw a wonderful house made of... gingerbread. It was frosting coated, with gumdrops of every flavor, wafers making the window frames, and with the windows themselves being panes of pure sugar. Hansel and Gretel instantly dropped the meager remains of the Gingerbread Man (half a leg and some crumbs) and feasted on the house. They licked the window panes, gobbled the licorice shingles The witch living inside the house, however, captured the two of them and threw them in the oven before they could do anything. After a few hours, she had a glorious feast of meat that had herbs and lemon juice for flavoring.
***
The wolf walked by the gingerbread house, and, though he hated sweet things, poked his head inside to follow the smell of cooking meat. He slunk into the house, honing in on that delicious smell. He poked his head into the dining room. The witch screamed at the sight of him and, unsuccessfully, tried to reach the broom sitting in the corner. The wolf finished off the witch with a single, brutal slash. He didn't like the taste of old lady flesh very, so he left her carcass lying there, and feasted on the remains of her sad meal. Needless to say, he enjoyed himself very much, and added a carcass and two more skeletons to the list.
The wolf lived happily ever after... at least until the brother of the mad axman came looking for revenge. But that is a story to tell for another time.
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