John & Becky Heyboer (& WHY God Permits Suffering)
by
Mary -BrytEyz- Ball
(Age: 40)
copyright 09-12-2006
Age Rating: 10 to 127
Sometimes what we see isn't really there
Sometimes what we don't think is there… is
And it’s more real than we could ever imagine
I’m not sure about much, but I’m sure about this
Although I reach out to touch you and you’re not there
Although I look but can't seem to remember your face
Your memory, though imperfect with me, is somewhere
I know it still exists with Jehovah... where it's safe
Your words used to guide and direct me
So oft’ when I’d wander from where I should
Your encouragement used to strengthen me and
Helped me to go on when I didn’t think I could
The gifts you gave me of your time were precious
The sharings from your heart priceless and treasured
The advancement that’s resulted from your wisdom
Has been invaluable and certainly never measured
One day when you awake, I’d like to let you know
Just how much you meant to me, and many others as well
I want to remember to tell you what a difference you made
And all those other wonderful things that I forgot to tell
When God said he gave us gifts in men, I’m sure
He meant gifts in women too, for that’s what you are
And when I think of all the friends I’ve had
You shine right along with them… my friend, my guiding star!
@~~ @~~ @~~ ~~@~~
There once was an elderly couple in Grand Rapids, MI. The Heyboers (John and Becky) were married for more years than I had been alive; for more years than my MOTHER had been alive for that matter! They lived in the house (and slept in the bed) that John was born in.
Becky was in a wheelchair when I met them, but that didn't stop her from getting around at first. John was right there by her side, lifting her in and out of the car and the wheelchair, taking her to the store, taking her out to preach to others, and taking her to attend her religious meetings.
After awhile, however, getting around became more difficult. One time while John was helping her into the car her leg bumped the car and her bone shattered like it was made of porcelain. Even after her bone healed, her visits outside became less frequent due to other health issues. She started to become depressed, feeling like she was not as useful to the congregation as she had been... or to God.
It was at this time that I was searching for some spiritual food myself and I met John. He suggested that Becky was just the person to study with me! He would pick me up from my house, take me to his, find something else to do while Becky and I sat at her kitchen table, and then drop me back home after each of our weekly Bible studies.
Becky always greeted me with a smile and some sort of quick/convenient snack (Click HERE for the recipe of one of my favorites!) to indulge in while studying. We would watch the birds outside the dining room window at the bird feeders and her eyes would light up and sparkle as we discussed the marvelous qualities of our loving creator that was so evident in all he created.
I remember visiting her in the hospital right before she passed away. Her husband was there to comfort her and gently brushed her hair back from her forehead. They had been married for such a long time and still the love in his eyes, the tenderness in his touch, and the warmth in his voice as he bent near to her ear to whisper that he loved her... was undeniable.
I almost felt like walking in was an intrusion, much like failing to turn off your cell phone in the movies. and it rings That's what it was... a scene right out of the movies. Although along in years, he still saw her as the young woman he married so long ago. Although death was knocking at the door, he saw only life in those fogged eyes of hers. I admired him as he sat as her side admiring her.
Yes, as her silver hair curled around his wrinkled and leathered fingers there was an air of youth and joy. "Joy?" I wondered at the irony and the perplexity of it all. "She was DYING!" I silently screamed inside and then visibly shook my head. I must be MAD! And yet, when he looked up at us entering the room and smiled his usual ear to ear smile, I noted it was genuine. Yes, tere was an undeniable joy in the air, an unmistakable feeling of love and happiness.... and fulfillment. Although I was married myself, I had so much yet to learn.
He had been caressing her head with one hand and holding one of her hands with his other when we walked in. He gently laid her hand to rest upon her stomach and patted her head once more before slowly walking from her side. He hugged us tight and there was sincere appreciation in his old eyes as they seemed to sparkle at our entrance. I went right over to Becky and tried to hide all evidence of my sorrow, but the tears I was trying to hold back refused to be contained and my voice would not escape un-cracked. I smiled anyway and hoped she could hear me. Her stroke left her unable to speak and she simply gazed upward.
I remember the frail feeling of her withering hand in mine, the almost cool to the touch sensation her fingers left as I held her, the wisdom I wish I could share via osmosis as I too was drawn to push her silver curls back from her forehead. I gazed into her knowing eyes and saw so much wisdom I'd never know. What stories had she not had time to tell me? What knowledge would never be granted me now? What friend was there, inside that decaying body, that I would surely miss until we met again in the resurrection?
In the mean time, John took my husband aside and pleaded again for him to study the Bible and come to know our creator and learn more about Him, his kingdom, and his son Jesus Christ. My husband was besides himself. What faith is there that overcomes the loss of one's mate in the face of death itself? I guess there was much we BOTH had yet to learn!
After she passed, I was surprised to find that John would be the one giving her memorial talk. Sure, he was an elder in the congregation. Sure, he'd given memorial talks before. But to give one for your own wife? I couldn't fathom how. I know I would never have the strength to give one for a close friend, let alone someone that's been such an integral part of my life and for so much of it!
Once he began, though, it was easy to see why he was giving the talk. It was because she had been his best friend and such an integral part of his life for so very long! He laughed with every memory he shared, and it was the very first memorial service I walked away from smiling... with my face AND in my heart! She was a wonderful person and he shared so much of her with us that day that I swore I'd never forget. Being the imperfect person I am, however, the few memories that remain of Becky Heyboer are shared here with you today. Perhaps when I'm perfect I'll remember more. Perhaps when she's resurrected she'll remind me of what I've since forgotten. Perhaps... it won't matter, because she'll back with us again! For now, her memory is in God's hands!
For some reason, while everyone was searching their souls on Monday (or for a TV or radio station that had something other than 9-11 reflection on it), I thought of Becky and John. Then I too thought of 9-11, and of many other "injustices" in the world. A friend of mine was also lamenting that day of the tragedies that beset mankind and she ultimately sighed a familiar question many ask. She simply asked "Why?"
At first you may wonder if this is merely a rhetorical question... one not meant to be answered. You may think it's hypothetical... one simply meant to make you think. But with every blog I read yesterday, with every t.v. station I turned to, with every radio station I tuned in... it seemed to echo louder and louder. "Why?"
I, too, was greatly affected by many trials in my life... and 9-11 was no exception (Click to read my experiences and thoughts) as I was on a plane that morning, was grounded half way across the US and stranded for a week, and had to board a plane with trembling legs and knocking knees a mere week after the 9-11 attacks to FLY back home.
When I found myself asking "Why?"... I looked to the Bible for answers. I found that I was not the only one who was distraught by events taking place around me. In ancient times, the prophet Moses got so discouraged that he said to God: "Please kill me off altogether, if I have found favor in your eyes, and let me not look upon my calamity." (Numbers 11:15) Fleeing from his enemies, the prophet Elijah exclaimed: "It is enough! Now, O Jehovah, take my soul [life] away." (1 Kings 19:4) And the prophet Jonah said: "O Jehovah, take away, please, my soul from me, for my dying is better than my being alive." (Jonah 4:3)
So, it's not just me... and it's not just these times we're living in (though, granted, they do seem to be getting worse as time marches on.) I also can't help but realize and admit that this world and the people in it leave a lot to be desired at times. Even the Bible tells us not to trust the world or man. In Psalms 146:3 it says "Do not put your trust in nobles, nor in the son of earthling man, to whom no salvation belongs."
I will keep my family, my friends, the families of the fallen, the survivors, and everyone in my prayers. Until the time comes when God sets all things straight (Ps. 37:29 - The righteous themselves will posses the earth, and they will reside forever upon it."), I will remember the things that Becky taught me and continue to NOT get despondent over the injustices of the world.
Instead, I will remember that all this badness comes from Satan. "The whole world is lying in the power of the wicked one." - 1 John 5:19. (See also: John 12:31; 14:30; 16:11; 2 Cor. 4:3,4) As to WHY... you'll find many answers here:
Help Us Stop Plagiarism -
Nearly all works at PnP are original. However a few people choose to plagiarize.
To check, choose a phrase from the work, then either drag and drop to the search box or copy and paste.
click on search and works at Google will be shown which match. Just to be sure, please do this before
you recommend or rate the work highly...
(Warm smile) Thank you for such wonderful comments, for reading, and for just being you. Sometimes gift giving is a two way street... kind of like hugs... the more you give... the more you get... such is the privilege of being related to you... the luck runs both ways.
The way you wrote of Becky is definitely a tribute to her life. I feel like I was touched by her (and John, too, for that matter), even though I never knew her (or him). When you described the cool feeling of her hand, I almost felt like I was the one holding it. Your ability at creating imagery in your writing is definitely to be envied.
And obviously, John and Becky were lucky to have known you, just as I am lucky to be related to you! ;)
Well, Rich, since there were 22 readers of this work and you are the first to reply... I guess there were others who could find no words as well. (Grin) J/K
Thank you for your kind and touching words. I am glad I was able to share enough of my emotion so as to share it with you and fill you with it. Thank you for so faithfully reading my work, for so adequately understanding it, and so thoroughly feeling it each and every time. You are an amazing writer, a wonderful commenter, and an absolute gem of a friend. Thank you for that, Rich!
This one of those pieces for which I can find no words. It moves every emotion I could possibly feel -like the power of the rushing water pushes up the debris which dams the river. My feelings are overwhelming me. The sadness and gladness of life both run strong within me.
Welcome !
