The Daylight World
by
Mehrina B.
(Age: 13)
copyright 10-09-2006
Age Rating: 7 to 127
Picture Credits:
~*The moon is beautiful, a shining halo of light
in the darkness of the night. The stars are beautiful, twinkling and chiming up high in the sky. But the mighty Sun is a wondrous marvel to behold indeed. A great disc of the flames of life, driving the night away to lead the dawn and day, bringing with it the mysterious artist who splashes our dark world with color, light, and life.
~*To see the glorious sunrise, watch the great Sun alight
his majestic throne in the heavens, to join in the symphony of joy with the mighty pines, oaks, maples; the jubilant animals and birds; and the crystal, shimmering waters of our dear Earth.
~*How I do love this brief time
of the great clock ticking away. A time indeed of remembrance of the good things in this hateful world, and a renewal of fresh hope that alone drives us through our daily toils and sorrows. To watch the blazing Sun come to life, and our Earth.
~*The serenity rises with the Sun, resplendent in the daylight.
The giant, towering trees straighten, glad for the dawn, and the crisp, cold, and sharp air scented with the invigorating essences of trees and flowers and the rich, dark soil and sand. The beautiful, heartstopping golden of the vibrant early morning sunlight as it filters through the yearning, emerald leaves overhead, fanning out to reach up to a brilliant, sapphire sky.
~*This is a time purely for life and its ancient purpose.
How precious life is indeed in such times of joy, vitality, and purity for the soul. This is the mighty world I love to live in, filled with joy, and hope, and pure light wrung from the Sun’s dazzling blaze.
The daylight world.
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Mehrina, this is beautiful!
I love the metaphors! I also like the adjectives you used. Especially "majestic" and "heartstopping".
I also like how you called the sky the "saphire sky". I think it's an amazing way to think of the sky.
Very nice Mehrina! The descriptions in this piece are truly beautiful, the the message you creatively convey is a very true one. Something not dark too, it's been awhile since I read some good prose that wasn't dark. On the other hand...Dang! I'm not the first comment! Well, at least I have two Internet servers, so I can boost my commenting ratio! I read Zodia chapter 5 the night after you told me about it, but I was speed reading and didn't have time to comment...I've been dying to read your new work!
As always, I can't find any grammar mistakes here, aside from gold (which I didn't notice 'til reading Kyusu's comment). This was a truly beautiful piece, I usually bomb big time when I write prose. The flow and lay-out of this poem/prose paints a complete picture in my mind, and a story to go along with it. Bravo Meh! I suppose I should submit my recent work too... Great work, keep writing! Off to Zodia, than my history report!
I am not good at reviewing poetry, but I will give it my best effort, so here goes. The technical prowess you normally exhibit is certainly evident. I can find no spelling errors or any major grammar mistakes (save for "golden" when it should be "gold"), but the decriptive word choice you typically employ is present and accounted for. All of the bright imagery shows the joy of life you possess, and with all of the bad things happening nowadays, the world needs people like you to keep the sunshine alive. Since I am really spinning my wheels trying to come up with relevant things to say about this poem, I will cut to the chase and simply say: good job!
I apologize if this comment is not exactly what you are after, but I have been so busy with college lately that this is one of my first comments in over a week or so. Keep up the good work!
Welcome !
