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On Line
Adrianne Wadsworth
Andra Apreutesei
2 Writers

0 Free Members

2 Members
31 Guests

A Vampire's Lament
by Neb Tanner (Age: 18)
copyright 01-08-2007


Age Rating: 10 to 127

 
Forever is so long
When you spend it alone
Living in the shadows
In which you must hide
Watching the centuries
As they are born
And as they die

Feeding upon the ones that I envy
They have life
They have a right
They have the gift of death

Countless times I've longed for a companion
With a touch as cold as mine
For one with the warmth of a mortal body
Would wither away with time
And tempt me to drink them dry
Alas, I have yet to find one with a curse like mine
This is becoming more unbearable
Every passing night

I walk down the narrow alley
To pick my feast of the night
But I feel something different
Someone is close behind

The footsteps come closer
As I run faster
Though I have nothing to fear

I feel a hand around my throat
But being dead
I cannot be choked
I look to laugh at the stranger
To find myself lost in his eyes
Finding his touch colder than ice
My fallen angel hath arrived

Forever isn't long
When you don't spend it alone
Living in the shadows
Holding each other tight
Holding on as the centuries are born
And as they die


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03-29-2007 Samantha P.    

Wow I totally love this poem! It has been five minutes since I have read it and it is still etched into my mind. I didn't see any errors and I totally wish I was a vampire. If a Djinn where to ever grant me a wish that would be one of them. Anyway my god it makes the hair on my neck stand up when i try and imagine the guy. Wish I had someone to spend the rest of eternity with, or at least until I die.

KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!!!!!!!!!!!
Samantha
01-18-2007 Amanda Carroll    

To be honest, I was afraid that at first this would be a rip-off of Atreyu's "A Vampire's Lament," but although the theme is similar, I was thankfully mistaken.

There's a lot of slant rhyme, which, although it is not my favorite thing in the world -is still a legitimate poetuc device. (ie: eyes / arrived)

The rhyme is also unconsistant, but perhaps this is meant to be a song?
01-13-2007 Chessie Hodge    

This is wonderful! I love vampires. You've managed to illustrate perfectly their sense of time and their vulnerability. Great job! Keep writing!

Chessie H.
01-10-2007 David Pekrul    

I always thought of the vampire as being the aggressor and the criminal, but you have made him out to be the victim. This is a good write, looking through the eyes of the vampire.
Visitor Reads: 371
Total Reads: 393
Comments: 4

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