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Never Call My Name
by Neb Tanner (Age: 18)
copyright 01-15-2007

Age Rating: 13 to 127

Take me back to the time
The time before I fell
The time when you were not my fear
The time when to me, you were near

The rush I felt with your hand on my face
The regret I felt for turning away
Still, we are bound in this place
Somehow, your presence never fades

Please don't hold my hand that way
Don't look into my eyes with such a gaze
Don't haunt me in my dreams at night as I lay
And never again call my name

I won't be defeated by your hollow words
To them I will be unperturbed
I will not let your lies sing my dirge
Under your spell again, I will not be lured

Please don't hold my hand that way
Don't look into my eyes with such a gaze
Don't haunt me in my dreams at night as I lay
And never again call my name

I feel your arms around me
Your breath upon my skin
As the sound of bells is carried in the wind
Morning comes soon, my darling
All dreams come to an end
My nightmare dies as yours begins

"The death of the dream will be the death of you"

Never again will you hold my hand in such a way
Never again will you look into my eyes with such a gaze
Never gain will you haunt me in dreams at night as I lay
And never again will you call my name

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Comments on this Article/Poem:
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10-01-2007 Leah G.

I liked this poem. The ideas and emotions are great. But the flow seems to halt when you rephrase a sentence awkwardly to make it rhyme such as in stanza 4:

I will not let your lies sing my dirge
Under your spell again, I will not be lured

You use great descriptive words and the poem leaves a lasting haunting impact on the reader that makes them want to read it again- a great aspect of your writing. But again, as i said on your other piece, that it would help the reader if you added in punctuation. Such as in stanza 1. You have it this way:

Take me back to the time
The time before i fell

It would flow better if you added punctuation like this:

Take me back before the time,
The time before i fell.

Besides those few errors, i loved it! Great job and keep on writing.

Leah

06-14-2007 Brittney N. N.

I like this poem. You get the point across that you regret being involved with this person, and these things happen in life. Don't let it discourage you. But I am curious and to what "unperturbed" is suppose to be. Either it's a terribly mispelled word or one that you simpley made up. Either way you will want to correct it, and if it is something you made up you should try and refrain from using your own words in a poem like that. It distracts the reader and takes them off course of the work itself. Other then that though it was a very nice poem. It had a nice, if not a bit rough, flow to it. Keep working on it and no matter how good a work is there is always room for improvment.
~Brittney~

05-15-2007 Denise Fairgrieve

This is a very descriptive and haunting piece. You can't seem to get the person out of your mind till the very end.
But to me, it seemed that the lines faltered a bit in rhyme. Even so, it is a very lovely piece.

Visitor Reads: 408
Total Reads: 430
Comments: 3

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