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Now, is the author talking about a real pebble in the road, or is this an analogy of a person who feels as if they are a pebble in the road?
I like the double-meaning in this poem. When read one way, it is just a simple story. When read the other way, it has such deep implications.
Assuming that you are talking about a real person, the let me share a scripture with you.
Psalm 8:3-8, "When I look at the night sky and see the work of your fingers - the moon and the stars you set in place - what are people that you should care for them? Yet you made them only a little lower than God and crowned them with glory and honor. You gave them charge of everything you made, putting all things under their authority - the flocks and the herds and all the wild animals, the birds in the sky, the fish in the sea, and everything that swims the ocean currents."
Even if other people don't seem to care, God does.
I envisioned you as a kickball on the playground through some of this, which is a great visual for this situation, I think. Not too keen on the end of it, though. You can use words alone to convey solitude without making it an over-the-top affair, so I suggest writing the last verse into a few different directions until you find one that better suits the poem.
There's another instance of having to reread a line, too:
"Even if I shout the loudest I can"
"as loud as I can" would work much better here. As it is, it seems like a fragment at first, but the third or fourth time reading it I understood it. Remember what I said before, though; it should make sense the first time through. When I was younger I used to read my stuff out loud all the time because it helped me spot sentences like this.
You produce pretty decent stuff; you just gotta work on polishing it up. Definitely keep submitting.
Ah, love the twist at the end. Wow this poem really makes a person thin, and realise that it's the smallest things in life that we need to pay attention to the most.
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