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On Line
Eric Gasparich
Frank Fields
Walter Jones
Alma H.
Raycel M.
Rebekah Schultz
6 Writers

Samantha H.
1 Free Members

7 Members
50 Guests

You went so far away.
by Alma H. (Age: 15)
copyright 12-04-2006


Age Rating: 10 to 127

 
~~~This is for Leigh's contest, 'Forced Goodbye'. It's about my really good friend that had to go see her mother. Hope you like~~~



You were here,
but not for long.
One day busy,
the next day gone.

You had to leave,
to see new things,
I understand,
but for how long?

I miss you,
you know that,
Sometimes I wish,
I could pull you out of a hat.

Even though we talk,
I feel so distant,
We acted so close,
now you seem cut.

We are so far away,
the most we've ever been.
First it was a few miles,
now it's across the sea.

I still now you,
just not like before,
you seem lost,
and I'm not there to guide you.

You've gone away,
Soon to come,
just but,
you're far still.

I'll will remember you,
no matter what happens,
We might be living new lives,
but still the same deep inside.

I wish to see you soon,
I new it's still early,
for me time goes twice as slow,
now that I can't see you.


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Comments on this Article/Poem:
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09-18-2007 Shannon W.    

This is very nice poem, your friend is very lucky to have you as a friend.

Shannon
12-29-2006 Leigh G.    

This is a very nice piece! I like the flow and rhythm you've got going, and my only real grammar pick is that I think you should capitalize the first word of each sentence. Sorry if I sound like a bit of a broken record in that department...I'm picky with that. Thanks for entering my contest, and writing a new piece for it! I like it when authors write something new for one of my contests for two reasons: 1, I like it when somebody takes the time to write something new for a contest. 2, The Commenting Crusaders talking, it's important to provoke authors to write more! I believe the more somebody writes, the better they get. Aside from a Silver Writer that is now a Reader with a name that starts with a P, every other author aside from his improved in their works. Very nice piece, thanks for the contest entry and being patient with my slow on line time, keep writing!

Your friend,
Leigh of the Commenting Crusaders

P.S. I'll read your other works as soon as I get some more time on line! I'm itching to read your books!
12-04-2006 Wayne Thomas    

A very good poem. I like the Emily Dickinson-like rhyme scheme and the free verse at the end really ties things together. A few minor lapses in spelling, a letter left out, that sort of thing, nothing to detract from the poem unless you're a perfectionist like me. Keep up the good work.
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